defib

so... last week i resigned from work to get my life back on track. dont get me wrong, there was nothing bad about the job (except maybe for a certain coworker who keeps forgetting to take her antibitchiotics). it was the after hours that drove me crazy. i'd go to my rented room and pretty much stay there until the next day. there wasn't much to do within those green walls of infinite melancholy. in the words of pre-disaster britney, my loneliness was killing me. so many months of enduring the anguish, i packed my shit and went home.

so... here i am now, typing away without worrying about deadlines or overtime. since i left, ive spent just about every day with my beloved superheroin, hanging out, doing silly stuff, eating together, playing with kids, talking, driving around and, most of the time, laughing. every moment of every day, there's always something to laugh about or take a pic of. jeean is just a blast to be with. there is absolutely no one in this polluted floating sphere quite like her. ive never had this much fun with all of my ex-gfs combined. need proof? here:


i love that woman to death. which hopefully is far far away because i want to spend many, many more years with her. i cant wait to have kids with her. we got the chance to act as parents of three gradeschoolers today and learned new ways to achieve happiness. one of which is jump-roping on a trampoline.

p.s. lately ive been pondering about my apparent uselessness to the world. there are people whose jobs affect my well-being, like the farmers and slaughterers for my sustenance, sewers and inkers for my clothing, even the typists who typed the text on shampoo bottles. i owe a lot of my everyday life to them. i wish i had a job like that.
p.p.s. i am so tired today that my slouching is two snaps away from breaking the monobloc chair's backrest.

ego at large

the public is hereby warned about a mental patient that escaped from the facility on an undetermined date. several police reports have been collected regarding a deranged female spotted in several locations, mostly around makati, with the following eye-witness descriptions: in mid-20s, 5'4" with high-heeled shoes, thick and overly lipsticked lips, nostrils bigger than the craters on the moon, long, not-regularly-shampooed hair with lice infestation and was last seen wearing something really, really horrible. the suspect, currently known as "excrementia" is extremely and dangerously annoying. we repeat, the suspect is extremely, dangerously annoying.

accurate police sketch of the suspect.
we apologize for your subsequent nightmares.

two witnesses, a couple madly in love with each other, encountered the suspect at an intersection in makati. according to their released statements, the suspect "walked like the ground was a runway and talked as if she was the queen of the world." the very beautiful and sexy female witness with an amazing rack and delectable legs, who chose to be hidden under the name "eatmybust", was a nurse and, upon listening to the suspect's verbal diarrhea, assumed that the suspect "was suffering, or more appropriately, reveling in grandiose delusion." the male witness with a big cock who chose to be hidden under the name "mrbigcock", agreed with his beloved companion and said, "i agree." according to the couple, they left the suspect "smoking a cigarette under the rain for fear that it multiplies when wet." the witnesses then went to sm mall of asia, watched monsters vs. aliens on imax and fell in love with each other even more.

a firm believer of the slut-til-death movement which it started itself, the suspect is presumed to have gained a cult following of idiots who have been lured to kiss its ass, due to the suspect's ability to suck brain cells out of people. if you have any information regarding the whereabouts of the suspect, please do not hesitate to keep it to yourself. it is also highly recommended for your safety that if suspect is on sight, do not approach for any reason. best course of action in the presence of the suspect is to ignore it.

p.s. whatever, layla. you're such a loser.

love. freedom. happiness.

like most, for a big part of my life, i hated monday. granted that it is not its fault to be situated at such a bad spot but when you've been partying, sleeping late, waking up after noon, playing video games, watching movies or just wasting the day away being as lazy as you can, it's pretty hard not to feel animosity towards the particular day that thrusts you back to world beyond your own and starts a new cycle of work/school where time never really is yours. monday was the day i always wished would never come.

but not anymore.

i found love and found a reason to love monday. work begins on tuesday for me and right after my shift on saturday, i lug my bagful homeward, craving for the much needed weekend rest. instead of dreading its arrival, i can hardly wait for monday to come around because for some reason, it has become the day that my girlfriend and i have for ourselves. sometimes, we get to see each other on saturdays and sundays, but it is only on a monday when we really are together. we do not love each other less on any other day of the week, but on monday, we are one.

march 30, 2009 was a monday. at 4am i was sitting on an orange chair on the bus station, waiting for her, without any indication of the great day ahead of us. with barely enough sleep, i cradled her in my arms as she slumbered on and off through the trip. i did not notice what was playing on the bus tv or radio, only her shivers, goosebumps, slight body spasms and baby-calm breathing. every time she'd take over my lap for a nap, i'd feel the surrender of her weight the moment she succumbed to the sandman.

we found our destination but had to kill time so we ate and played scrabble. i am so in love with this woman who is okay with killing time by playing psp and not talking about stuff we could talk about some other time when we don't have to kill it. when she told her friends about us, she blushed and i swooned. the main purpose of the journey took a while and spent a long time between vans laughing at tambourines and farts. i love the way she perspires. the sweat doesn't bead or drip on her skin. it simply glistens. we were somewhere near quiapo and i had an image in my head of those people touching and wiping the nazareno as i did the same to her. i worship her. she wouldn't let me carry her bag no matter how i insist. i find it cute how she evades my cheek attacks. there is about two hours worth of chronicling that i have to skip so let's just say it feels so awesome to be her guy and that she cant go into the nbi office because smoking is not allowed there. we held hands when we walked and even when we ran to catch the bus.

late in the afternoon, i took her to my aunts and introduced her to everybody there. they talked to her. my mom had ignored the others even when they talked to her, but my mom talked to her. for the first time, my mother initiated a conversation with my girlfriend. wow⁹⁹. i lured an ill-tempered jaja with my psp to her and an inspiring memory was made. i never thought mondays could be that great. i may not be religious but that monday was a miracle. i wished it not to end and although it did, i know that with the recent developments in our lives, there are more, better mondays, as well as tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays, fridays, saturdays and sundays to look forward to.

thank you, kitten.

p.s.

DETROIT METAL CITY by jaiskizzy

the gist: a wussy wimpy country boy leaves home to go to tokyo to (too many to's?) fulfill his dream of becoming a "fashionable musician" but busking with his acoustic guitar and his sissy songs gets him nowhere past having a street dog as a fan. however, he is, in fact, secretly and reluctantly, johannes krauser ii, the made-up lead vocalist/guitarist of detroit metal city, an independent death metal band that is fast becoming the biggest act in japan, with hordes of fans believing he is indeed a demon from hell who raped and killed his parents. and so... will negishi ever get to embrace his pop dream and lose his virginity to that chick with cute underwear?

the reaction: so you'd know where im coming from, ive never read the manga or watched the anime. im sure they're great (most manga that become anime then become live action are exceptionally good anyways) but my kudos descend upon the movie and the people involved in it. the japanese have yet to crappify my eyes. detroit metal city is breathlessly fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucking awesome. from the great story mirroring the dichotomy of life to the songs that actually sounded like the real deal, there's no denying that the cast and crew sacrificed their blood and soul to get the movie off the ground and go sky high. exaggeration but hyperboles aren't uncalled for when talking about movies like this. it's very entertaining and it made me laugh many times. there was a movie called detroit rock city, also the title of a kiss song, about a kiss cover band trying to get into a kiss concert. now, there's detroit metal city and they even bagged gene simmons (the dude with the long tongue in kiss) to play jack il dark! how cool is that?!

the humongous round of devil horns raised way up in the air goes to kenichi whatshisname. after doing the mysterious coolness that is L in death note, he does an acting 180 as the stupid-looking, soft-mannered, almost gay negishi. seriously, this guy has some balls to accept such a role where he would have to make an ass of himself, singing with his knees stuck together, running like a girl, not to mention wearing that horrendous haircut. sure he gets to portray the death metal demon krauser but negishi is something a normal actor would probably regret including in his resume. unlike death note's raito yagami who was also shuya in battle royale, the actor playing him looks and feels pretty much the same. here, there is literally no sign of L in kenichi. and even though ive seen pics and clips of the movie before watching, i never even realized that he was both negishi and krauser. now that is talent. no pretty boy pinoy actor can disappear in roles like that. plus, he did his own singing for both characters, which required two separate voice actors for the anime. take that, retard gutierrez!

if you love metal, if you love japanese films, heck if you just watch for ideas on your next cosplay, give this movie a chance and detroit metal city will melt your face. if not, you should form a band with your tambourine and call it tetrapot melon tea. as for kenichi somethingsomething, kamui gaiden is up next. yes, sir.


the good: that L guy. his dual performance carries the whole film
the bad: the slightly ridiculous ending. metal buffalo?!
the ugly: penis haircut.
the verdict: 8 chocorape cakes!


jai il dork

or

destroyed mental skizzy.

WATCHMEN by jaiskizzy

the gist: in alternate 80s america, where once-heralded costumed crimefighters have been outlawed by the government and a globally destructive nuclear war with russia is imminent, a retired superhero known as the comedian is found dead on the street more than a hundred feet below his high-rise apartment, killed by gravity. a former teammate, rorschach, embarks on his own investigation to find the murderer who seems to be particularly offing masked members of the society. old friends are reunited, memories are remembered and walls are repainted (with blood) as the doomsday clock ticks closer to the end of the world.

the review: fuck the long intros. i'll do my best to make this short and quick because the less is said, the better. i liked the movie. given that the graphic novel has been deemed unfilmable for so long and the weird and cool alan moore refuses credit for any adaptation, zack snyder has done quite an achievement. and not only by squeezing a 12-chapter story into a 3-hour movie. you see, there's a dvd out there where they animated the comic book panels and turned it into sort of an audiobooky (because one guy does all the voices, even the female characters) cartoon, reminiscent of the old marvel superhero 2d shows. compared to that, with real actors and actual sets, zack snyder's film is a couple of steps ahead in awesomeness.

yes, the paper version is still way better but the celluloid translation turns it into an entirely new experience. you now hear the voices that uttered those great lines, especially dr. manhattan's which was totally unexpected. (you'd think he would have the mighty otherworldly voice of james earl jones with a sore throat on volume 11 plus extra echo and not mild and boring like my history teacher's in high school. but it works amazingly.) you see them break through the frozen panels and move, sometimes in slow-mo, the constantly morphing inkblot on rorschach's mask alone, the origin of which didnt make it past the cutting room floor, was mesmerizing. i like how the costumes were almost exactly the same, down to the minutemen despite not having that much screen time. i smiled when silk spectre 2's costume was unzipped, not because she was about to get naked, but because it had a zipper, something we rarely see in superhero movies. that zipper contributed to grounding the whole thing in reality.

i never thought that stillwater's lead guitarist would pass off as a god with blue skin who doesn't really give a shit about humans and would effectively portray how the seemingly emotionless character eventually learns to (there is a real smiley face crater in mars btw). but the invisible badass acting award goes to jackie earle haley, the masturbating date in little children. this guy is great. unlike doc, his vocal characterization of rorschach is exactly the way i imagined it in my head. the two moments he screams like a madman were very powerful. perfect segue to my main gripe at the movie: the other actors didnt really do much and acted like they were still two-dimensional drawings. anyways, having read the graphic novel before watching the movie isn't a requirement. it doesn't even assure one would enjoy the film more. if you're the kind of moviegoer who just sits there depending on visuals, expecting rollercoaster ride-type of action, you will be heavily disappointed. watchmen is character-driven and story-driven and, for lack of a better symbolism, it is the kind of film that my father sleeps on. i think my father would be snoring on the theater seat around the time the bob dylan-sung opening credits is over and rorschach begins talking to himself.

though this review is probably a couple of paragraphs short of being a novel itself, there is still so much to be said about the film, a lot of which is open for debate between those who have read the graphic novel and the poor people who havent. it is not the greatest comic book movie ever made (tdk, imho), but it is a feat of filmmaking nonetheless. the movie has brains and balls. i will watch watchmen again.

the good: faithfulness to source material, necessary changes
the bad: bland acting
the ugly: too many cocks.
the verdict: 9 blood-stained smiley face pins


watchamacallboy.

.02-peso legal advice

i think that when an accused has been given the guilty verdict, their lawyer should suffer the same sentence. whether it's life imprisonment or death, throw the lawyer in with them. the idea is, if a lawyer defends an innocent client and loses the case, he should pay for his incompetence. if he/she defends a guilty client and loses the case, he should be punished for defending someone guilty. so, the guilt and innocence of the defendant is irrelevant. the lawyer oughta get what he deserves either way.

but that's just me.

p.s. my julietjellybeanbaby read this and pointed out that if this ever pushes through, no one would want to become lawyers anymore. actually, i think my concept should be seen as a challenge for the lawyers but for fairness sake, lawyers who win their cases should be rewarded with the luxurious possessions of the defeated, i.e. sports car, house, money, mistresses.
p.p.s. she loves me.

the last chat

Yahweh! Messenger 7
waterwalker1225 - status message: let he who is not stoned cast the first sin.
Show Recent Messages (F3)
waterwalker1225: BUZZ!
waterwalker1225: hey bro. wassup?!
waterwalker1225: hello…
waterwalker1225: i know you’re there, judas. speak up, invisible man.
waterwalker1225: BUZZ!
waterwalker1225: BUZZ!
waterwalker1225: BUZZ!
waterwalker1225: oh, come on, bro. arent you gonna talk to me ever again?
iscariot.judas: fuck off, jesus.
waterwalker1225: there you are! what’s the haps, old friend, old buddy, old pal?
iscariot.judas: you do know that i am pissed off at you, dont you?
waterwalker1225: yeah, well. sorry about that, bro.
iscariot.judas: sorry my ass.
waterwalker1225: come on, jude-dude. it was just a little improv, you know, to make things more believable.
iscariot.judas: well, congratulations, asshole, nobody trusts me now. fuck.
waterwalker1225: i said i was sorry.
iscariot.judas: oh, fuck you. what’s your sorry gonna do now, huh? you’ve humiliated me beyond repair, man.
waterwalker1225: IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRYIM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY
iscariot.judas: just forget the whole thing, jc. im out.
waterwalker1225: no, no, please, dont do this, bro. we had a plan. i cant do it without you.
iscariot.judas: well, go find someone else to be your traitor. i cant do it, man. fuck, even the hookers dont trust me.
waterwalker1225: listen to me, bro. im really sorry for what i said during the last supper. im sorry if i’ve embarrassed you in front of our homies. but please understand that we gotta do this together. we’ve been planning this from day one. you cant just leave me like that. what about all the things i did for you? i’ve always been there for you!
iscariot.judas: …
waterwalker1225: im crying, judas.
iscariot.judas: wtf. get a hold of yourself, man. jesus.
waterwalker1225: yes?
iscariot.judas: what?
waterwalker1225: huh?
iscariot.judas: dammit. are you really crying?
waterwalker1225: yeah…
iscariot.judas: ok. dont cry. stop crying. i hate it when you cry. you know that shit is my weakness.
waterwalker1225: ok…
waterwalker1225: im really sorry.
iscariot.judas: i know. it’s just, i really didnt expect you’d do that, man. we never talked about anything like that.
waterwalker1225: im sorry. please forgive me. i’d do anything.
iscariot.judas: i forgive you, jc. you don’t have to do anything.
waterwalker1225: really?
iscariot.judas: really.
iscariot.judas: wait. on second thought, i sure need your help in getting some pussy, man. seriously, my balls fucking hurt.
waterwalker1225: lols.
iscariot.judas: could you like put a good word out on some of magdalene’s friends for me? sure could use a threesome before my appointment with those priests.
waterwalker1225: consider it done, bro. texting her right now.
iscariot.judas: thanks.
waterwalker1225: so, we’re ok now?
iscariot.judas: yep.
waterwalker1225: yay! thank you, bro. im so happy could kiss you.
iscariot.judas: you are such a fag, jc.
waterwalker1225: no. you are.
iscariot.judas: no. you are.
waterwalker1225: no. you are. remember the plan? you’re supposed to kiss me.
iscariot.judas: oh, yeah. shit. can’t i suggest to them that i’ll just pat your back or pinch your nose or something?
waterwalker1225: nope. you have to kiss me.
waterwalker1225: on the lips.
iscariot.judas: on the lips?! no way!
waterwalker1225: lols. gotcha. of course not. just on the cheek man. eww on the lips.
iscariot.judas: double eww.
iscariot.judas has signed out. (30AD)
waterwalker1225: oh.
iscariot.judas has signed back in.
waterwalker1225: wb.
iscariot.judas: sorry, man. got dc’ed.
iscariot.judas: this happens from time to time.
iscariot.judas: think it’s my isp? or the router?
waterwalker1225: could be a virus. you should do a scan.
iscariot.judas: yeah. thaddeus probably infected my system with his flash drive when he copied my porn the other day.
waterwalker1225: hey, maggie just replied. she said she’ll send two of her newest over.
iscariot.judas: awesome.
iscariot.judas: so, i probably should take a bath now ’cause them bitches’ll be here any minute.
waterwalker1225: no rush, bro. they’re just gonna walk. camels are in the pound. illegal parking.
iscariot.judas: hey, jc, one other thing. about the noose, are you sure it’s safe?
waterwalker1225: sure as manure, as long as you put the harness on properly.
iscariot.judas: right. how long should i stay there?
waterwalker1225: until someone sees you and runs away for help. then come down and head to rendezvous point. i’ll be there.
waterwalker1225: hmmm. what else…
waterwalker1225: shit. hold on.
waterwalker1225: gotta confirm the fake nails.
waterwalker1225: brb
iscariot.judas: ok.
waterwalker1225: back.
waterwalker1225: what about the cloth lady, what’s her name?
iscariot.judas: veronica.
waterwalker1225: yeah, her. she good to go?
iscariot.judas: aye.
waterwalker1225: great. i am so excited, jude-dude. this is going to be awesome!
iscariot.judas: easy for you to say. you’ll probably be remembered as a hero while i’ll go down in history as the bastard who betrayed you.
waterwalker1225: which is a very important role, bro. without your betrayal, i will not be arrested and crucified.
iscariot.judas: please. we both know that’s not how it’s gonna be. john and his fellow bloggers are gonna have a fuckin feast with their shit and everyone will see me as the villain.
waterwalker1225: you may be a villain to them, judas, but to me, you are the hero.
iscariot.judas: aawww. thanks, jc.
waterwalker1225: i love you, bro!
iscariot.judas: jc…
iscariot.judas: you
iscariot.judas: are
iscariot.judas: such
iscariot.judas: a
iscariot.judas: FAG.