shiny graves for frozen slaves

save your brain cells. title's nonsense generated online. so let's cut the crap, slice the shit, fillet the feces and dice the doodie and get the turdball rolling for my random stuff commentary enumerated in japanese.

ichi: watched sucker punch with my sweet pea babydoll yesterday (and in the process of piecemealing a review) and there was a bunch of bozos bitchslapped to stultiloquence by the real-to-imaginary world switch. i hate these kind of people. why do they question the movie the moment they see something they cant comprehend? cant they automatically conclude that it may possibly be explained in subsequent scenes or at the end? or even if it's never explained, cant these morons just shut the hell up and watch the damn movie? i mean, seriously, i hope there was a way to keep these idiots from getting inside the theater, or at least the ones im in. (they can do all the shit as much as they want in theaters showing pinoy flicks) i dont see movies theatricaly that much but almost every time i do, there'll be these imbeciles ruining the whole experience for me. i hate all of these people who want the entire movie plot spoonfed to them 100% clear, who watch but dont see and hear but don't listen, who want all movies tailor-made to their satisfaction. they're like wet ugly baby birds in a nest chirping with their beaks open and the mother bird has to chew and spit their worms for them. they shouldn't be sold tickets to films that are beyond their mental capacity and, accordingly, shouldn't be allowed to rant about it in their reviews. if you're one of them, fuck you.

ni: the director of sucker punch, zack snyder, will also direct the new superman reboot and nearly every week a new cast member is announced. joining henry cavill (supes/clarky), kevin costner (jonathan kent) and diane lane (martha kent) is amy adams as lois lane. i like the first three, but amy adams as lois lane just ruffle my feathers, if you catch my drift. sure it's a smart decision to cast an oscar nominated actress in a role integral to the story but i strongly believe miss adams aint right for the part. lois lane is supposed to be tough, a woman with an attitude. she's this daring reporter who's not afraid to stick her nose where she shouldn't, just to get the scoop. that's why she's always getting herself into situations where superman's presence is required. so it is only makes sense to get an actress who looks the part in one look. margot kidder did well in the old movies and that chick from smallville was just awesome. but amy adams doesn't look tough. even if she had fangs. this lois lane looks like she'll need superman's help because she's stupid and weak. i'll trust your decision, snyder-man, but i really think queen gorgo, carla gugino and olivia wilde are better choices. 

san: after over a year of invisibility, ping "i have no balls" lacson has resurfaced, answering questions from the media insisting he did no wrong. except that hiding from justice is wrong. when you're a former cop and now a senator whom people voted to uphold the law, being a fugitive when you're accused of murder is very, very wrong. the issue here isn't his guilt or innocence or whether the prosecutors are after him. the issue here is that ping lacson is a coward. he's telling every filpino out there, especially the criminals-to-be, that hiding from the law is okay. he said he hid because he's innocent. but that's his word. even if there is no evidence against you and they're just ganging up on you to get you behind bars, isn't facing your accusers the manly way of dealing with this problem? is hiding really the way to prove your innocence? bullshit. who the fuck elected for this guy? so the thing is if someone decides to kill another one, he could simply say he's innocent, go into hiding and wait it all out? what a way to show the country what a law-abiding citizen you are, lacson. and you even had the gall to compare yourself to a prisoner? prisoners dont get to eat what they want, they dont sleep on comfortable beds, they dont get to chat with their families or surf the internet to pass time, they don't get to travel from country to country, and you have the nerve to align yourself with them? you bastard. i think the only thing that you and the prisoners have in common is getting your ass pounded because that's probably the only thing that got you through this "ordeal" of yours. fuck you. (and to those journalists who interviewed him but did not have the guts to ask the right questions, fuck you too.)

ludovico

one day when i was having my lavatorial musings, i suddenly happened upon the idea of watching one movie per day for one whole year. i know i could do it. i would only have to devote two hours, give or take, to my filmlust every day. but as the time where the cliche image of an old man and a baby personifying the year switch is used again got closer, i realized that with work and family, i may not be in the expected liberty to accomplish my self-imposed task. plus i would rather get my shut-eye recharge or have high quality time with my wife and daughter than watch a pinoy movie with a song-and-dance routine in the end. (not that i was actually planning to include such an abomination in my watchlist)

and so i trimmed the proposed 365 films to 169. i remember back in high school when i had the temporary amentia to run for batch representative and lost, the number of fools i fooled into voting for me was 169. 169 is also 13 multiplied by 13, which is my favorite number.

so here's the dealio: 169 movies in 2011. doesnt matter if i've watched it or not, but the unseen would be prioritized. part of the project is to tweet a quick review after each viewing, also to keep track of progress. when the desired number is reached, nothing special will happen. i would simply lean back, relax and enjoy the priceless bliss of  not having done it for any particular cause.

flickstack: 82nd oscars! place yer bets!

dont know about you but im a cineaste by heart and the academy awards is the only awards show i give a damn about. so, to anyone else who gives a damn, the nominees are...

best editing: stephen rivkin, john refoua, james cameron (avatar), julian clarke (district 9), bob murawski and chris innis (the hurt locker), sally menke (inglourious basterds), joe klotz (precious)
my pick: sally menke. she's the only editor that quentin tarantino has trusted with his films and anyone who has seen a tarantino film knows how well they are cut and spliced together, albeit non-linear.

best visual effects: joe letteri, stephen rosenbaum, richard baneham and andrew r. jones (avatar), dan kaufman, peter muyzers, robert habros and matt aitken (district 9), roger guyett, russell earl, paul kavanagh and burt dalton (star trek)
my pick: avatar dudes. no one can deny the fact that avatar is the breakthrough in this field.

best cinematography: mauro fiore (avatar), bruno delbonnel (harry potter and the half-blood prince), barry ackroyd (the hurt locker), robert richardson (inglourious basterds), christian berger (the white ribbon)
my pick: the hurt locker dude. war movie about bombs - shaky cam shit = awesome. the sniper scene is my favorite.

best animated short film: french roast, granny o'grimm's sleeping beauty, the lady and the reaper, logorama, a matter of loaf and death
my pick: the lady and the reaper. if not for the great animation, then for cerberus.

best original score: james horner (avatar), alexandre desplat (fantastic mr. fox), marco beltrami and buck sanders (the hurt locker), hans zimmer (sherlock holmes), michael giacchino (up)
my pick: michael giacchino. his is the only tune i can hum without a thought.

best adapted screenplay: neill blomkamp and terri tatchell (district 9), nick hornby (an education), jesse armstrong, simon blackwell, armando iannucci, tony roche (in the loop), geoffrey fletcher (precious), jason reitman, sheldon turner (up in the air)
my pick: in the loop. but i believe either district 9 or an education will win. i chose in the loop solely for the amazing badass lines.

best original screenplay: mark boal (the hurt locker), quentin tarantino (inglourious basterds), alessandro camon and oren moverman (the messenger), joel coen and ethan coen (a serious man), peter docter, bob peterson, tom mccarthy (up)
my pick: quentin tarantino. since james cameron will surely win best director, quentin oughta get this one. although a serious man and up are tough contenders.

best animated feature film: coraline, fantastic mr. fox, the princess and the frog, the secret of kells, up
my pick: up. would be surprised but glad if either fantastic mr. fox or the secret of kells wins.

best supporting actress: penelope cruz (nine), vera farmiga (up in the air), maggie gyllenhaal (crazy heart), anna kendrick (up in the air), mo'nique (precious)
my pick: anna kendrick. vera farmiga didnt do no nothing in up in the air. the fast-talking debater from rocket science deserves this more.

best supporting actor: matt damon (invictus), woody harrelson (the messenger), christopher plummer (the last station), stanley tucci (the lovely bones), christoph waltz (inglourious basterds)
my pick: christoph waltz. hans landa. nuff said.

best actress: sandra bullock (the blind side), helen mirren (the last station), carey mulligan (an education), gabourey sidibe (precious), meryl streep (julie & julia)
my pick: carey mulligan. meryl streep or helen mirren might get it because they're old but sandra bullock?! come on...

best actor: jeff bridges (crazy heart), george clooney (up in the air), colin firth (a single man), morgan freeman (invictus), jeremy renner (the hurt locker)

my pick: sam rockwell. yes i know he's not a nominee but i say he's been robbed. if you've seen moon, you know he's way better than george clooney. but if my life depended on picking one from the list, jeremy renner.

best director: kathryn bigelow (the hurt locker), james cameron (avatar), lee daniels (precious), jason reitman (up in the air), quentin tarantino (inglourious basterds)
my pick: quentin tarantino. even though we all know james cameron would win. wouldnt be surprised if his ex, kathryn, won. still, my money's on tarantino all the way.

best picture: avatar, the blind side, district 9, an education, the hurt locker, inglourious basterds, precious, a serious man, up, up in the air
my pick: inglourious basterds. moon should have at least been nominated. avatar is the strongest contender here but i have a feeling the hurt locker might win. however, inglourious basterds should win because avatar is a great spectacle but sucks as a movie overall. in inglourious basterds, hitler dies in a shower of bullets. so there.

p.s. they should get conan o'brien as next year's host.

p.p.s. i cant wait to watch movies with iaine.

flickstack: the 13 best films of 2009

hey, it's christmas again! 'tis the season for receiving gifts that are rarely the ones you wished for, taking money from your godparents and having your money taken by your godchildren, and getting pestered by bad, divide-and-conquer carolers. sure, there's the usual partying, eating, churchgoing but if there's one thing i hate about christmas in this country, it's the goddarn metro manila film festival. not only do they have the same kind of crap from last year, they force those pieces of shit movies into everyone's faces by having all the theaters show only those pieces of shit. thanks to more mano po, more shake rattle n roll and more hollywood-quality-my-ass eyesores from vic sotto and bong revilla, i will have to wait next year to see sherlock holmes. assholes.

anyways, before i rant any longer, here's my list of the best films i watched this year. and because it's my list, there are thirteen movies, the first 12 in no particular order and the 13th tops them off. so it's kinda like just a top 2 list. but with 13 items. because i like the number thirteen. i know i have already said that but this sentence has thirteen words.

1. up - with that title and having an old man as the main protagonist, you'd have thought it was movie about erectile dysfunction. but thankfully it wass by pixar so it turned out to be a really great kids-and-adults movie. with talking dogs and a "swordfight" between two old men. hmm.

2. watchmen - it wasnt perfect but it was an awesome comic book movie. tdk went the realistic, dark route. watchmen went comic-book-that-moves route. i enjoyed it. anyways, i know you dont want to but you can read my review of this film here. persuasive psychology works sometimes.

3. coraline - freaky stop-motion movie. button-eyed people, circus mice, better parent dilemma. im gonna let my daughter watch this when she old enough. like two years old maybe.

4. 500 days of summer - this movie was the kind of boy-meets-girl love story movie that we need more of, instead of the ones where the couple falls apart and one of them wins the other back with something cheesy.

5. thirst - fuck new moon. while those twilight fags were sparkling and flexing, sang-hyeon, a priest, was sucking blood from a comatose patient through an iv tube. this is the vampire film of the year.

6. zombieland - and this one is the zombie fillm of the year. bill murray rules.

7. moon - this movie is about a guy who is alone in the moon for three years. there's more to that but it would spoil the movie. i liked it a lot and i dont know what else to say...oh yeah, fuck new moon.

8. sin nombre - intense spanish film on gangs and poverty. the gang leader with tattoos on his face had a baby along while the new recruit killed a member of the rival gang as initiation. im grateful im not the father taking his daughter to america by riding on train roofs.

9. district 9 - im pretty sure that unlike this amazing movie, if aliens came to this country, the darn government wouldnt know what to do. the armed forces would be probably ordered to shoot the visitors on sight, no questions asked.

10. black dynamite - michael jai white, the guy who played spawn, has the same second name as my first name. didnt know that besides kicking ass, he could also do comedy. he owned this really funny blaxploitation movie.

11. grotesque - gross and painful to watch, just the way i like it. but beyond the blood, the dismembering of body parts and the cringeworthy gore, there's the message of self-sacrifice and how much you'd put yourself through for a person you like but barely know.

12. avatar - jeean and i saw this in a regular theater and it was great. im pretty sure imax would have tripled the awesomeness of james cameron's pandora. it's like eyecandy that is good for you, minus the sugar. review

and best film of 2009 according to me is... (long heavy metal drum roll please)

13. inglourious basterds - i like war movies and i worship quentin tarantino. inglourious basterds is unlike any war movie ever made. this film was first-frame-to-last badass amazing. long, talky, tension-building scenes, the hans landa character, hitler showered with bullets, everything was remarkable. which is expected of every quentin tarantino film, like his foot fetish. i didnt even try to make a review because id probably get to 10 thick paragraphs and still havent conveyed enough of my thoughts. and for any fellow quentin tarantino fans out there, i ask you: have you ever shaken his hand? i have.