Wednesday, March 29, 2006

moments of hate

there's a pretty fine discussion over at a film-oriented yahoogroup im in regarding gma's new love flick "moments of love" and how it obviously stole the concept from other films like frequency and il mare. it's a good thing to know that there exist beings who share your sentiments seriously. ive dissed this film from the very moment that i laid eyes on the trailer that a co-worker (soon, former) of mine was tasked to edit. this movie is a total ripoff. but hell, im not surprised that the supposedly "revived" philippine film industry would come up with this. they have puked out so many ripoffs over the years and people actually watched them that they think they can get away with it all the time. which is an admittance of their empty-headedness (the director, i presume, of moments of love joined the yahoogroup discussion but didnt have the balls to defend himself. he just plainly said something that went "support philippines cinema for the love of storytelling" probably because he knew he was on the losing end). i mean, they could have just said that it was inspired by this film or a homage to that film. how hard can that be? and then the other day i read a newspaper article that went like "in gma's tradition of producing original quality films". original my ass. this has got to stop. blow me if i know how, but really, this has got to stop. screw you, idiots!

Monday, March 27, 2006

THE HILLS HAVE EYES by jaiskizzy

a family goes on a road trip, choosing the hot california desert over a nice cozy plane flight. they soon learn their big mistake as the car's tires are spiked flat, leaving them stranded in the capital of nowhere. but that is the least of their worries for the area used to be a bomb test site and they have caught the attention of its mutant inhabitants (not the x-men). it's the carters versus the toxic avenger's relatives! place yeerrr bets!

this remake of an old wes craven fright flick was handled by a dude named alexandre aja who made the great gory film haute tension. mr. aja did pretty well with both films, dishing out more than the usual serving of gore and brutality in mainstream horror. in the hills have eyes, there are finger chopping, broken baseball bat stabbing, and an axe to the head, all that in one sequence only. there's also a nice nasty no-blood scene where a mutant dude sucks a woman's titties while aiming a revolver at her baby. and that is after he rapes her younger sister. and thank you to the dog for doing its part in the battle against mutated murderous monsters. a little thumbs up to the cast for putting a good show with such realism, especially the ones that survived, i think i would have done the same thing given the circumstances. that dude with the glasses and facial hair is one tough mother-effer. bastard won’t stay down.

however, this movie lacks one really important horror movie requirement: the scares. there are literally zero scares. no jumping off the seat or quickening of the heartbeat for me. i liked the movie but for me to enjoy it entirely there should be at least something that would give me goosebumps or make me afraid to sleep alone. i guess mr. aja forgot to include that ingredient. anyways, i liked the way how the simple wrong-place-wrong-time scenario branches off into two perspectives: getting the baby back and defending the base, both still about dealing with the vile creatures, cliffhanging you with alternating scenes. the p.o.v. shots were kinda cool as well, the one where a dog leads the baby's father into the tunnel seemed exactly the way it would look in real life, as if actually looking through the actors eyes and not a camera lens.

a decent horror flick not afraid to be ruthlessly gory the way the others aren't. and stress on the decent. another essential horror movie aspect missing from this one: t&a. the hot chick sunbathing in a blue bikini top aint enough.

the good: the gore factor.
the bad: the absence of good old scares and sex and nudity. oh come on!
the ugly: the nuclear fallout freak family. i am a heartthrob after all.
the score: 7 severed arms.

the skiz.

dirty finger nun

what a spectacle that had been. jeepney, two nuns in full white habits, one of them cupping her chin with her left hand but with the middle finger extended, apparently oblivious of the gesture and its meaning. truly a splendid sight to see, one only jerks like me would enjoy as much. i dont know but i think i have a special eye for things like that. but unfortunately, my cellphone battery was empty hence i wasnt able to take a picture (it was dead hours before i rode that jeepney and i actually took it out of my pocket to take a shot, forgetting its uselessness). i could google one but it just wouldnt compare to the real-life actual image. dirty finger nun... sounds like a bad western film, eh?

for the two-hundred sixty-four millionth time, sorry for failing to update this blog frequently. ive still got a lot of wrinkles to iron out. for instance, layla and i moved out of our rat-infested apartment in guadalupe and took residence at a new cleaner headquarters in somewhere jp rizal. it's a good find (thanks to her daddy-o). we have yet to transfer all of our stuff out of the old place and into the new one.

i will end this one with a freakin cool character poster for the upcoming da vinci code movie, silas being dark-side-anakin-sykwalker-ish. although i am the only one in the whole world who hasnt read the book, im still looking forward to watching the film. not interested in buying the book anytime soon but i sorta kinda wanna give it a flipping. anyone wanna lend me a copy? takey carey, everybodey!

Monday, March 20, 2006

STAY ALIVE by jaiskizzy

Beta testing an unreleased video game entitled “stay alive”, some dude and his friends die in the same manner their characters died in the game. As a tribute (what?!) his other friends decide to play the game as well and soon enough they too get killed the way they get killed in the game thanks to the blood-bathing bitch countess Elizabeth bathory!

This movie is a case of good premise, bad execution. I mean really, if you play the game and you in the game, you’ll die for real. How can you possibly fck up a cool concept like that? Apparently someone can and did. First mistake was the poorly written screenplay. Every scene was just badly laid out. The dialogue was flat. Plot holes everywhere. When the dead bodies were turning up, the police were like all over the gamers. Then they’re just completely out of the picture. Also, agent cody banks’ unexplained resurrection. And then there is the senseless back story of the lead. Mistake number two was the bad actors. Not the worst ive seen but seriously, it is obvious that they chose to cast unknowns to fit their tight budget but come on, man, at least get some good people. The last mistake would be the pg-13 rating. Why make a movie and call it a horror movie if it doesn’t have anything scary in it, no blood, no gore, no sex and nudity? And to think the video game in the movie is a horror game. Sheesh. Maybe they should have made the movie about text twist instead.

Now, allow me to point out a couple of good things about this flawed flick. The game controller buzz as a scare effect. That was a nice touch. But they should have used more and properly. I also liked the game itself. They should have made a game like that for real. I’d play it. The movie should have made an impression on viewers that if there really was a game called “stay alive” they wouldn’t play it for fear of actually dying (I guess this wont work on me even if they did manage to give off that effect, Im the kind of person who wants a chucky doll and would be happy to sleep with it). Sadly the only impression it made was that it was not impressive at all.

Oh god how I miss the really good scary movies…

the good: the premise. the game.
the bad: the movie.
the ugly: my face realizing the time and money I wasted.
the score: 3 vibrating game controllers.

the skiz.

Monday, March 13, 2006

ULTRAVIOLET by jaiskizzy

from the makers of equilibrium comes this femme fatale flick that feels videogame-ish and with a plot that goes something like: in a world you may not understand... there are these hemophages, you see, and they are like vampires and they have superhuman capabilities, and the normal humans want them eradicated. violet is one of them, and so she infiltrates a lab and steals the weapon which will supposedly put an end to the hemophages but it turns out it is just a boy and violet decides to protect him against her fellow hemophages who want him dead. ah screw the plot.

i liked the aeon flux cartoon on mtv. i hated the live action aeon flux movie. why? because it failed to capture the essence that made the cartoon great: good storyline, good action. i mean, isnt that what all action movies should have? if you cant have both, at least pump up the action juice to compensate for the flawed plot (because less action and more story aint gonna cut as a good action movie). that's what ultraviolet did. they avoided the usual mistake of sacrificing the action for plot development. with a plot the viewers wont care about understanding anyway, focus on the real meat of the matter right? the shooting, the fighting, the swordplay, the special effects, and it worked for me. not much, but enough to say that it is a better movie than aeon flux. still there were boring moments that got past the cutting room. especially those that only had violet and six in them.

take for example the matrix. why is that movie so good? great story, great action. even when neo's already doing kicks in bullet time, you're still rooting for him out of care. in ultraviolet, from from the moment violet arrived at the lab to the last battle, i knew she'd win. okay, so the sfx were good, she could change the color of her clothes and hair anytime, she defies gravity and pulls weapons out of nowhere and loads her gun with bullets coming out of her wrists, there were some nice gun-kata, but beyond that, there was nothin connection between violet and me. i didnt feel her pain. it was like, she did all of it because she can. not because she has to. the storyline lacked a lot of weight. (a movie with the same condition would be van helsing). in the end, even when they both discovered they were gonna die soon, even after violet cried over the boy thinking he was dead, even when the ending meant hope, you'll easily flush the movie out of your system. no conversations about this movie will ever occur, but if there were, it will be about some of the action sequences, and it wont last longer than five minutes or branch out into deep debates.

ultraviolet = ultravioleNt? nope. visually-appealing but not very impressive. i didnt even use the adjective "cool" anywhere in the previous paragraphs. sheesh.

the good: action choreography. nice for an american film.
the bad: everything else.
the ugly: violet's bangs.
the score: 5 bladed guns.

the skiz.

serial filler

Congratulations, if you were a serial killer you would be...
Jack the Ripper
(AKA"The Whitechapel Murderer" "The Autumn of Terror")

Jack the Ripper, by far the most notorious killer of all time. What would drive a man to kill 5 prostitutes, surgically mutilate the bodies, then stop, to never be heard from again?

Most of the murders were pretty much the same, the victim had her throat cut and her abdomen exposed, the intestines were placed over her right shoulder and sometimes a kidney or even the heart had been removed.

Jack the Ripper's murders are still unsolved.

Kill count: 5

there i was, standing at the yellow platform edge, waiting for the mrt train to arrive. when it did, it seemed shorter than usual. the doors in front of me opened, and i stepped into what i thought to be an empty car. as the train moved, i saw a creature on the far end. it was tiger. a big bengal tiger, recumbent on a seat. i bravely but slowly approached it with my hand extended forward hoping to touch it. my fingers inches away from its head, the tiger suddenly stirs and i take a step back. the train had halted. it was my stop. i alighted the car and thought of the tiger no more. then, out of nowhere a guy ive never met before walked next to me and began talking to me. he told me that he had a room nearby and that i should go there to have group sex. i said yes of course and he disappeared, just as layla appeared and i took her with me to the stranger's orgy room. how i knew where it was, i had no idea, but we got there after a few corridors and a flight of stairs. when we entered, there was a large bed in the middle, my stranger friend was lying down on it with a young woman beside him, both of them still clothed. and then suddenly, a light bulb moment: take the mrt, load it up with women, and head to boracay (apparently this mrt can go anywhere) to do the biggest orgy there! but before we could prepare to go, a very old man whom i was sure wasnt in the room when we came in, said he would like to join. disgusted by even the thought of seeing the old man naked, i told him to go out and buy some supplies for the trip. he agreed and asked me where the closest computer shop was because he needed to fax someone something. i gave him fake directions far enough for us to escape him. before he left, he pulled out a bottle rocket from his pocket, lighted it, taunted us with it, and then released it out the window and it exploded loudly. he exited the room, and after a few seconds, we all did as well. coming down the stairs with layla, i called off names of the women i wanted to take with me. upon mentioning a name, that woman would appear and go inside the mrt, which was waiting at the platform a few meters ahead of us. some of the names i remember were aubrey miles, maui taylor and maureen larrazabal. i wouldnt know why, but layla suggested ciara sotto, to which i refused at once. a few paces away from the doors, i called out angel aquino, and from my left she came walking towards the mrt. layla corrected me, and i realized my mistake so i immediately said angel locsin. i pushed angel aquino away and i went in. the car was packed with women, and they had saved one seat in the middle for m. just as the doors were about to close, angel locsin entered, and sat on my lap. she smiled naughtily, leaned close, and kissed me on the lips. i closed my eyes. suddenly, she pulled back. i opened my eyes, and it was layla, with an angry look on her face, and she shouted: "babbe!!" i woke up with start, returning to the real world, and told myself that i had to put this weird dream on my blog.

greetings, dear visitor. my honor to have you here. and welcome back if you've been here before. in a few hours my good friends/co-workers from gma7 will arrive here in batangas for day of fun and relaxation at the beach after a quickie breakfast and rest period here in our humble home. been lookin forward to this day for quite sometime as i'll be leaving the company soon. their friendship was the only thing that kept going inside that editing office and it's quite hard to just let go like that. to me, they are my friends to end, as all of my friends are. whatever happens, they will forever occupy a special room inside my heart condo, one that is much like our office but sans the evil overlords.

ah yes... time for another round of the web goodies. the internet holds an innumerable amount of interesting stuff in various forms of media and it is my pleasure to give the service of presenting them for you enjoyment. because i myself enjoyed them.

saw a video on the internet but cant download? with this you can.
forbes' 10 most expensive cars. damn.
for my fellow geeks, office 2007 screenshots!
bet you've seen some, but here's more 3d sidewalk art...
industrial transformers? cool.
natalie portman says: "suck my *beep*". cute.
whoa! i want all of my future novels to have this!
if you don't find this one funny, i dont wanna be stuck with you on island.

and speaking of being stuck on an island, i have completed a new lucky list. and guess what? it's about the people i'd want to be stuck in an island with! not interested? well then don't click here! (see the box on the right labeled features? takes you there as well, and to other past filler features, so you click any of them too, according to your will. don't say i forced you!!) also, a movie review hooray! this time around, it's ultraviolet.

so there you have it, folks. good bye and good luck.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

tree-some

below is one of em personality watchamacallits that was dumped into my email inbox through a yahoo group. ive copy-pasted it verbatim, and highlighted mine. what's yours?

WHAT TREE DID YOU FALL FROM?

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate. Then send it to your friends, including the one that sent it to you, so they can find out what tree they fell from, but don't forget to change the subject line to your tree. Find your tree below and see what you are like...

Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree


TREES (in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) - quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (Ambition) - extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant,friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) - of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) - of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) - very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates! contrad iction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, sexually oriented, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) - charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) - loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh


hazelnut?! i fell from a hazelnut tree? not very surprising, but the meaning hit a homerun though. or a bull's-eye. that was a 99% truth right there. sense of humor? check. expects fairness? check. honest? right on, dude! charming? yes, thank you. sexually oriented? BIG check! oh yes, i am extraordinary. wasnt that fun? yeah. for a couple of minutes. oh well... au revoir, kids!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

dubya tea eff

there's this huge billboard near santolan mrt station for the movie "date movie". if you're thinkin of seeing that film, trust me, don't. it will be the biggest waste of money you'll ever have since you bought that darn stuffed toy for your ex on your anniversary. it is 100% crap. i was gonna do a review on it but then realized that that would be the biggest waste of time i'll ever have since i searched mall after mall for that goddarn stuffed toy. anyways, "date movie" is by far the worst comedy film ive ever watched. i did not laugh even once, not even the slightest of giggles, that teeny puff of air that escapes your mouth when your friend tells you a corny joke and your good-naturedness dictates you to give it for friendship's sake. i cannot believe hollywood would cough up the funds to make somethin so horrible and even have the nerve to release it to theaters. good god.

and... brokeback mountain is boring.

anyhow, i'll do my full blogging this weekend. got quite a lot to say. in the meantime, enjoy some links. thanks and take care!

if the simpsons were real
new x-men 3 trailer!!
spongeback mountain?