BOLT by jaiskizzy

the gist: bolt is the dog superstar of a tv show, the success of which is built upon the fact that the dog believes everything is real. bolt's person is a girl named penny and he is highly devoted to protecting her. when he is accidentally shipped to new york following an episode cliffhanger of penny being kidnapped by their arch-nemesis dr. calico, the green-eyed man, bolt travels across the states to save her, picking up a sardonic alley cat named mittens and his number one hamster-in-ball fan named rhino along the way. can disney make a great cgi movie without using pixar powers?

well, looks like they can, folks. not all cgi films are rendered equal. many have tried to top the home of luxo jr. the jumping lamp, but most have failed (shark tale, robots, the shrek sequels), only cashing in on the darn kids who'd throw tantrums just watch them. the throne still belongs to pixar but disney was able to deliver a 3d animated film almost at par with their sibling company's brainchildren. almost because, it has quality and great story, the characters are cute and memorable, but it's a traditional disney yarn for the family just woven in glorious cgi. it's exactly what you would expect from a disney movie. not that it's a bad thing per se, i like most of disney's stuff, it just doesn't break the old mold. the moment you enter a screening of a cookie-cutter disney flick, you know that there'll be tearjerking and heartstring pulling, that everything's safe for kids to see and that it's gonna end happy no matter how dire the situation would get. so, yeah, no old yeller ending here.

i really liked the character designs. im always for uniqueness. they're pretty simple--white dog, black cat, furry hamster--and yet they bear no resemblance to anything done before. i dont know, but i just found it cute the first time rhino releases himself from his plastic ball. my favorite though were the pigeons with various accents. they oughta have a spinoff movie. anyways, also, the singularity of the characters owes partly to the voice talents, i guess. john travolta as the voice of the heroic hound was glove. also, i've always been fond of the way the animators incorporate the celebrities voice actors' features to the their animated counterparts and in this case, bolt had john travolta's mouth. cant say the similar to the cat and the hamster because i have no freakin idea who voiced them. mittens kinda sounded like zoeey deschanel but older. whoever did rhino did great in capturing the orgasmic glee of a fan thrust into a once-in-a-lifetime dream adventure.

this film reminds me a lot of an old tv movie entitled c.h.o.m.p.s., about a robot dog (anyone else seen that?!). always liked it when the guy opens up the dog to check the stuff inside. anyways, like a lot of the good stuff from days of long ago, it should never be raped(remade). just watch bolt. and its sure-as-pups eventual sequel.


the good: story, characters
the bad: predictability
the ugly: that penny was voice by bucktooth cyrus
the verdict: 8 sicilian pigeons


dr. calicot, the green-minded man.

kicking it again

i was listening to some music on one of my burns when i heard the mp3 song lifted from a classic flash animation which i have embedded below. i first saw it and downloaded through dial-up internet about 10 years ago. man, i am old.

*might not play properly on slow connections...

hi, blood.

you know you are surrounded by idiots when:

you're working your buttcheeks off in order to leave on time and then your coworker messes around with the router because the connection on her side is slow and then the device falls to the floor and everyone's internet is gone and you stand up from your seat and exit the room because you're knot-pissed that they'll obviously turn to you once again when avoidable shit like that happens and after spending a long time outside, you come back to find them standing around and the connection's still busted. idiots, i tell you. people who'd drink the kool-aid no question. they're everywhere and i have more than my allocated share.


anyways, same day this happened, i headed straight to ayala after shift. i wasnt actually planning to buy what i did eventually buy. merely i was there to check its current price out. i hopped from shop to shop and happened upon this normal-looking dude with a normal, non-sales talky attitude. he spoke the same way a friend would talk to you about shit and stuff, unlike the others i passed through because they sounded like bored robots with their annoying rehearsed lines and weird you're-not-gonna-buy-anyway demeanor (i think probably it was because i looked worldwide angry). this guy, however, had the nice buddy approach. with the lowest package-wise pricetag in the area, i was sold. so, a couple of long-queued atm machines later, a wad of paper pesos migrated from my wallet to his hand, and in turn, he endowed my mitts with this electronic encasement of ecstasy:

blood.

my personal goddess and i have played need for speed: undercover against each other through ad hoc and i have had her dust for breakfast, lunch and dinner so far. no surprise since im still using my pathetic 1 hearsepower two-bit starting car and still learning the ropes of psp gaming (it isnt quite the same with a ps2). pretty soon, blood will be kicking that cute little pink butt off the curb.


p.s. will somebody please stop giving atm cards to idiots?
p.p.s. i love you, love. let's do that thing that we did the other day again some other day.

cgi jai

thanks to my girlfriend who spent enough time and effort to make a nigh-exact digital replica of my ugly mug. the one thing wrong with these renderings is...

...i don't do this in front of a mirror like that. i never spend more than 3 seconds in front of a mirror and that is only to see if my hair is messy the way i like it.

MADAGASCAR 2: ESCAPE TO AFRICA by jeeanfoxy

it was a battle between James Bond and Alex the Lion. the latter won and the decision was made. it was madagascar day today.

oh boy, do i regret it.

my ass was practically bouncing up and down my chair when ferb called to say we were going to watch madagascar 2. well i saw the movie trailer a week ago i swore to myself that i will watch this movie as soon as i get the chance. ferb knew how much i wanted to see it so he invited me to a movie date on the first day of screening (today, 11-7-08). he meant well, but the movie itself disappointed me.

it disappointed me.

the movie takes place immediately after the ending of the previous installment so you can expect that the beginning was rushed and the rest of it dragged. the comedy was cliche and the usual slapstick antics brought in the yawns. there were too many dull moments and in every one, all i could think of was "where are the penguins? penguins! more penguins, goshdarnit!" sadly, it was only the penguins that kept me awake.

has it ever happened to you that while watching a movie, you can easily point out where the story shifts chapters? like for example, it's happy singing dancing lollygagging time, and the next thing you know, the characters are fighting and suddenly turn emo. well you can find many scenes like that in this one. it's like manic-depressive chaos.

or maybe i just expected too much out of it?

i might be ranting too much about an animated movie supposedly made to satisfy the expectations of children, but it's a FAMILY MOVIE, and family movies are supposed to hit the mark for adults as well. madagascar 2 didn't do much for me.

here's another thing that bothered me: the Lion King flashbacks. i had them while watching this. there were too many details close to the lion king that only a kid who watched the original lion king movies would understand. maybe the creators were too lazy to make up a more interesting and original storyline took inspiration from that, perhaps?

madagascar 2's animated animals sure know how to move it. they had their chance in the first one and now in the second one. they're just made to be party-happy i guess, so be it. but then here's madagascar 3 in the works right now and i don't think another serving of dancing lemurs and bipolar animals would be necessary. could someone in the creative team take that story board to the atlantic ocean and let it float away to africa? thank you.

oh my God. the movie is so bad i forgot about the weight of moral fiber.

i've lost my faith in alex, gloria, melman, marty, the annoying lemurs, and even my beloved flightless penguins. they gotta prove me wrong in 2011.

THOUGHT:
a star studded cast doesn't always mean it's a good movie, especially if things aren't executed right.

xoxo
JEEAN

TETSUO by angel

". . . I enjoy being raped by the machine but at the same time I want to destroy the things that are invading me, the human being."

——Shinya Tsukamoto

Completely insane, unpleasant, visually stimulating oddities and bizarre as hell - TETSUO is a high speed surreal chase that Shinya Tsukamoto pulls off Hollywood mediocrity, he created a film that's both accessible and also capable of showing you things you've never seen before.

The movie begins in an abandoned factory where the metal fetishist is hit by a car driven by a businessman with his girlfriend then dumped the victim into the woods then escaped. The next day starts the telepathic bond between them and the radical grotesque body transformation into a pile of metal junk. Watch out for the disturbing yet funny "erotic" scenes though, it is hard to watch depending on how dark your humor is but still, I’m inclined to laugh don't ask why :P

My only complaints would be Tsukamoto's complete lack in-depth characterization and confusing plot that went on unfortunate directions that makes me scratch me empty head, but in the end, it's primarily a brain teaser, obtuse and makes you squirm.

11/11

last night...

• a woman in her late 30s who had sworn to keep her virginity intact until she was married to the right man was mugged and raped by three men in a dark alley
• an overseas worker secretly came home to surprise his family only to find out that his wife had been cheating on him
• a bum, that had spent hours in several garbage dumps to find food, lost his dinner to a bunch of stray dogs
• a car veered off the road and fell off a cliff, killing all of its passengers, a family of four that had bought it a week ago
• a high school girl who had just broken up with her older, womanizing boyfriend of two weeks saw that her pregnancy test was positive
• a kitten that could not follow when its mother left because it had a broken leg drowned in the flood
• a child with brain cancer who had spent half her life in the hospital, died in her sleep hugging her teddy bear

if any of these did happen last night, then i am sorry because...

last night was the greatest happiest awesomest bestest best night of my entire life!

recipe for a great day

sugarplum pumpkin sweetie pie
+ cupcakes, gumdrops and snoogum-boogums (whatever they are)

main ingredients:

a pair of new shoes











clover chips










1 liter coke













uno stacko













a bunch of mp3s










1,000 tablespoons of bodily fluids













procedure:

lay old shirt on bed to prevent mess

wear each other's pants

tickle regularly

brush spine with beard

try not to sleep but sleep anyway and surrender body to kisses

turn a love song into a song about fast food

let the blissful feeling simmer while locked in an embrace

number of servings: 2
nutritional value: good for the heart and brain
best served with love

MIRRORS by jaiskizzy

gist: jack bauer has retired and, because of wifey issues, is now living with his sister, the chick who had public sex with the transporter guy in crank. with nothing else better to do, he takes on a job as a nightwatchman for an old mall that burned down years ago. of course, this being a horror movie entitled mirrors, the whole establishment is fried and crispy except for, wait for it... the mirrors. and so begins the monstrous mirrory murders. or murderous mirrory monstrosities. cue the christina aguilera song from mulan.

reaction: i couldnt pick which of the two intros i had in mind to use for this review (the one about not spending more than 2 seconds in front of a mirror per day or my friends and i talking over beer about how it would be creepy if you were brushing your teeth in front of the mirror, you bowed down to spit and look up only to see that your reflection is still bowed down). so, i guess i'll just get on with it. despite the rather predictable ending, i really liked alexandre aja's haute tension. i was sold on the "blowjob" scene. anyways, here he is again feeding my hunger for gore with mirrors. although few and far in between, the meaty parts are just as bloody fucked up as i want them to be. no cutaways, no inadequate lighting, no coverups, as usually employed by pussy directors. movies like this are the triple x of horror, you see the whole thing close and clear.

sadly, the positives end there. it had me going with the opening scene and kept me engaged with the sight of blood, but there wasn't much else going on. kiefer sutherland's involvement made no difference. it could have been anyone in the role. very bland. after a long time doing 24, you'd expect that on his return to movies he would at least own the darn role. especially since he's surrounded by unknowns (except for amy smart. she was ok). there's the actress who played his wife who is not only not pretty enough but had the acting skills of a cardboard. the kids must have been her real-life kids because they seem to have inherited that from her. i also did not like the boy-who-cried-wolf angle. cant there be a movie where the supporting characters heed the protagonist's warnings the very first time, no matter how farfetched they are? or, they dont believe at first, but when undeniable proof comes along (usually someone dies), the protagonist gets to kick the face of everyone who didnt believe?

anyways, one other thing this movie shouldn't have had were the false scares. i still dream of the day when horror movies become truly scary again and do not resort to the false scares. the entity behind all the ill-doings should ought to be the one making me jump off my seat and not a cat in the closet, a dog, or a guy appearing outside the car. no more of that shit please. had a good enough story though, the denouement was fine with me, even though it was quite absurd. i know, i know, leave the reality hat by the door, but really now, why did "they" leave her and slack off for many years, and then suddenly decide to get people to kill so that they could get back to her? answer: so the movie could have an ending, i guess.

so, yeah, i liked it but not enough to include it in the list of my favorite movies in friendster. my gore fix was satisfied but my fear sponge remains dry.


the good: the gore
the bad: the acting
the ugly: why so serious, amy smart?
the verdict: 6 self-healing mirrors.


glasshole.

locked heart

or 13 things that make my girlfriend better than yours/you/my exes (other than her breath)


there's hundreds, nay, thousands more, i know, but these are the ones i most cant get enough of. im pretty sure ive irritated her for incessantly pointing these out almost every day. writing them down here doesn't mean i'm gonna stop talking about them though. they're worth the redundancy.

1. her voice freezes time when used to sing, sounds delicious when used to speak english and creates new universes when used to moan. first recorded ringtone i've ever had.

2. her affinity for video games is something i've always prayed for in a girl and it makes me feel so good when we talk about leveling up and crying about cgi death.

3. her eyes squint when she smiles, pin me down when she's upset and glimmer when she slowly opens them as she wakes up. makes the nicest minitears.

4. her face has a million beautiful expressions that i'll never get tired of watching, especially the transitions. she does not look like anyone else at all. the mold was shattered upon creation.

5. her laugh could probably stop wars. i don't just hear but absorb it into my skin. i would sell my soul just to listen to over and over again.

6. her body is the masterpiece of a highly-perverted sculptor, is meant for worship and does magic at the slightest movement. it's why the word wow was invented.

7. her mouth kisses with fire, holds hidden pleasures and spews the most loving, praiseful and heart-fattening words i've ever heard. plus her teeth would give dentists boners.

8. her neck is a vampire's dream come true. long and delectable and accompanied by the most amazingly shaped collarbones ever.

9. her wit is able to compete with mine, produces smart, non-girly but very feminine entries, and drives me nuts with laughter. i may have tainted it with too much naughtiness.

10. her skin is a landscape of beauty. every inch demands exploration. i love how responsive it is to my touch.

11. her graphic design skills, though sans professional training, are at par with those that earn the big bucks. they're also proof that she's no computer nincompoop.

12. her love is wild. deep, soft, warm love but most of the time, explosive. i dream of the day that i will present her to the world and tell how honored i am to be at its receiving end.

the top thing that makes my girlfriend better than yours/you/my exes is...


13. her.


i love every single thing about you, tif. i have locked you up in my heart and thrown away the key.

best-smeller

i have an announcement to make, one that i have been wanting to blog/brag about for so long but i keep feeling inadequate to do it justice. so im just gonna type it out the way i see it flashing like humongous bright neon lights inside my brain:

my girlfriend has the best-smelling breath in the world.

yes. and it's not just because she's my girlfriend and i love her immensely. this isn't a case of i've accepted it out of love or have gotten used to it or i have some nose problem. this is the real deal, folks. her breath genuinely smells like, i presume, the garden of eden just before the animals were created to poop on the whole place. i have not encountered such a sweet scent before. it's fucking olfactorygasm, baby. and i'm not even talking about the fake smell of chapstick or the way-too-familiar toothpastey odor. the freshness in her breath is natural, like she was born with it and no amount of food intake or saliva-drying idling of the tongue could ever desecrate.

i mean, face it, eating greatly affects breath. munch on garlic and your mouth will reek of garlic. drink beer and your mouth will stink of beer. and the only way to get rid of that stench is to take a breath-freshening candy or brush them teeth. but then those never work on people who have bad breath ingrained in their dna. and then on the far opposite end of the spectrum there's my orally gifted girlfriend. she brushes in the morning after breakfast, goes through her day, eats lunch and sometimes a snack mid-afternoon, no candy, brushing or mouthwashing in between, and yet when i kiss her, it's like she just chewed on a bunch of roses and then cleaned her teeth using a toothbrush with bristles made from hairs of angels. and goshdarnit, im quite embarrassed to press my lips onto hers sometimes because of it. no, i do not have bad breath, i just simply do not possess the same magical mouth she has and so i've felt like i do not deserve a taste of that heaven. i brush my teeth more often and longer now and take mouthwash like water.

the woman just never ceases to give me reason to worship her. if having foul breath is called halitosis, then my girlfriend has holytosis because the aroma of her breath is divine. perfume oughta be made out of her spit. so, i repeat, this time in rarely used uppercase because yes i am shouting:

MY GIRLFRIEND HAS THE BEST-SMELLING BREATH IN THE WORLD!

a swan song

the swan and the tiger

i am tiger
you are swan
we are different
but we are one

you are swan
my elegant prey
youve spread your wings
and flown away
i watch the skies all night and day
could i jump high enough
to make you stay

i am tiger
heed my roar
nature's beast son
carnivore
these stripes just dont make sense no more
tame me
like you did before

i am tiger
you are swan
we were one
but now are none

wish, mister

the birthday's coming up in a couple of weeks and the blessed blessing of a babe has coaxed me into making a wishlist. first one i ever made. i have always tried to put a list of wants and needs on my blog's sidebar but i never got past "straightjacket." that's the first thing that surfaces in my mind when im asked. i guess i just have too many and too ridiculous wishes that an unconstrained wishlist would be pointless. so, anyway, i made this list with one integral parameter: 100 peso price limit. not sure if i'm getting any of these but wishing has the same price as dreaming, right?

1. book - since i have no other form of entertainment in my new crib (other than the occasional visits from my muse), i have turned to reading again. been a while since i picked up a book and turned pages. anyways, booksale holds some rare gems under a hundred bucks. if you search enough, you could find something really profound with a 30-peso price tag. but please, no romance novels with muscled men on the covers.

2. mikmik - this is heaven in powder form. i miss the chocolatey coughing fits.

3. dvd - the growth of my dvd collection has slowed down. i remember going on a hunt and going home with a bagful. leave the cherrypicking to me, any movie will do as long as it's not made by a filipino. i dont mind getting a second copy of something i already have either. anyway, im not particularly a fan of the in-1's (still prefer the thick-cased single movies with complete features), but if there's a good one in there, sure why not?

4. cheap pizza - tastes nowhere near like the branded ones but yummy enough to satisfy.

5. globe load - i barely use my globe phone anymore so why is this here? well, globe still is the only network that has a signal anywhere so this would be for emergency purposes. and likely to thank anyone who greets me through text.

6. movie (sm batangas) - tickets are relatively cheaper in batangas than in manila. which is why i've managed to treat the whole family once or twice.

7. chicharon bituka - am i the only one who eats this?

8. beer - the thing i really wish is those old long happy hours of boozing and talking with luigi and the gang when getting dead drunk didnt matter. i don't think i'll ever get to experience that again.

9. clover chips - i think clover chips contributed to my weight gain while i was in peoplesupport. every day, on both 15-minute breaks, i'd munch on them with some hot choco on the side. every day.

10. jolly hotdog chilli cheese - haven't tried it because i usually go to jollibee for full meals. i'd take this as a snack. so, yeah, get me one.

11. striptease - exclusively for my other and better half. she knows this. i have bugged her several times. she already has the "costume" i require. all she needs to do is to show up in it, play something saxophoney and start gyrating. she virtually doesn't have to spend a single centavo, unless her routine calls for a pole.

12. massage - again, another zero-cashout gift c/o my superheroine unless the massage material isn't readily available. it doesn't matter really (oil, lotion, powder, melted chocolate) as long as it is okay to fall asleep.

13. self-made stuff - you know, the custom cards, the mixtapes, etc. probably the one i resort to the most when it comes to gift-giving, mainly because about half the time i'm with someone, i'm broke. good thing is, i'm quite creative meaing the possibilities are endless. i dont know, i just never run out of ideas to do shit like this. the recipient's smile is very rewarding. anyways, i dont think anyone has ever done something similar for me. if there was, i dont remember.

the thing is, yes, i do appreciate any kind of gift, however i cannot promise i would like it, especially if the object is something i hate in the first place. i mean, yeah, it is the thought that counts, but if someone whips me up some vegetable salad, i'd thank them, but i would not eat it because i would die. that's not as thoughtful as it sounds now, huh? so, to anyone out there planning to hand, here's your reference. not that i am actually expecting anyone to go out of their way. but just in case some good soul out there is as much of a gift-giver as i am. thank you in advance, stranger.

p.s.p is what i really want. rrrrr.
p.p.s. thank you, large hadron collider, for not destroying the universe just yet.

the embarrassing

question: what is more humiliating than daydreaming on a mall stroll, entering the restroom, peeing in the stalls nearest to the door while wondering if the air vent above had a surveillance camera, washing your hands while pondering why there seems to be too many sinks only to realize that it is because there are no urinals and then finding out from a puzzled lady janitor that you're inside the women's restroom?

answer: so one day i decided to buy undergarments for my hot girlfriend. it wasn't a hard decision to make. the thought of her sexylicious body in the lingerie of my choice...hmm, i guess it was quite a "hard" one. but what i meant was, it came easy. okay... let us move along, shall we? the undies she already own are fine and dandy (in fact, she could wear adult diapers and she'd still be sexy). i just wanted to buy her new ones because 1) so she could sort of "wear" me; and 2) i'm a perv. so off i went to the mall and bravely entered unfamiliar territory: the ladies' underwear section. i was surrounded not only by numerous racks of straps, underwires, lace and strings but also by members of the female species in varying ages, mostly oldies, giving the lone male (me) suspicious looks, making the uncomfortable moment even more uncomfortable. but i ignored them and focused on the mission.

since i've had previous ponderings of the matter, i already had an idea of what the heart of my bottom desired. it was either something red or black or an amalgamation of both. i scoured the bra and panties jungle for a long, sweaty while. the red ones where in a shade meant for grannies and the black ones looked boring. i was nearly hopeless when i found this black combo with red ribbon thingies. and it was pretty inexpensive. i immediately called the closest sales clerk's attention and asked for the one in my love's size. i thought they came in a box but thought wrong when she handed me the goods as is and gestured to the counter. female underwear in hand, i walked to a different counter because the one she pointed had too many people at it. i placed the bunched up undergarments on the counter, slapped my money beside it and waited, itching to make like a tree and get the hell out of there at once.

but then it had been written in stardust that it was my moment for public shame. the cash register woman and her bagger buddy argued about the price tag because there was one on the bra but none on the panties. the bagger insisted that the price was for both. cash register woman didn't agree. this went on for a while and a line of shoppers began to form behind me. the two counter blockheads then chose to finally learn the truth with the least regard for discretion: they waved the underwear in the air, shouting the brand to call the attention of the sales clerks 50 yards away. sales clerks that took a while to get the message. around this time, i remembered the red undies for old ladies because i felt my face was in that color. a clerk eventually arrived to clear the non-issue (price was for both, of course) and the transaction was made. i grabbed the plastic bag and my change swiftlier than a phone snatcher. i left the scene, dodging stares. relief.

then again, it was all worth it when i laid my eyes on the goddess of all things cute and sexy wearing the goods. i don't want to go into details. let's just say that a subsequent explosion happened in my nether regions. the end.

p.s. please don't say i'm a cheap bastard. i was willing to shell out more than a thousand bucks for the victoria's secret kind of stuff but i didnt know where they sold those. help, anyone?
p.p.s. but it is entirely okay to say i am a pervert. guilty as charged.
p.p.p.s. coming soon: her birthday gift.

back off, mtrcb

back off, i say. do not lay a fuckin finger on this movie.

p.s. = photoshop. [evil grin]

THE RUINS by jaiskizzy

the gist: two couples are enticed by a german dude to spend the last day of their mexican vacation gawking at the ruins of a mayan temple hidden in the jungle. as soon as they arrive at the site, they get a warm welcome from the locals: their greek companion takes an arrow to the shoulder and a bullet to the head. the terrified tourists are forced to climb the hill-like structure where a far worse enemy lurks, thirsting for their blood. dum-dum-dum!

word of advice, travellers: if you're going on a trip to a place where you've never been before and you're not familiar with the people, especially if it's jungle, do not watch this movie before the trip. really, it will murder your plans. it's been years since ive been into one, the taal volcano trek of doom, and i dont think i'd have agreed to it if i saw this movie beforehand. going off the beaten track into precarious terrain with gun-toting strangers? i'd be like, no, thanks, i'd like to keep the skin on my legs. anyways, this is a pretty fucked-up movie that'll will surely make non-outdoors people stay under their rocks and it's pretty hard to say anything about it without giving spoilers. mum's the word on the movie's antagonist...

(drumming fingers on desk) okay. so, this is kinda like hostel, foreigners experiencing the ultimate culture shock, except there's no machines or tools of gruesome death. well, there's a pulley but it's meant only to transport people in and out of the hill/temple. that place has got some nifty interiors, btw. gore fans (like me) will not be disappointed though, thanks to the leader dude who puts his med school knowledge to good, gory use. i find it a bit amusing though that this movie is basically about survival and the leader dude named jeff looked and was dressed like jeff probst, the host of survivor.

no scares, just nice tension between the characters and the proper amount of cringe-inducing gore, no celebs, except maybe for iceman who tried to disguise himself with an afro-ish haircut and beard, and also didnt use his super cool powers to defeat the enemy. there was a little t&a in the beginning, but it wasnt the cute chick with the glasses. i do think they could have made a better ending by solving the "problem" and then reveal that there's just a similar but bigger "problem" that exists a few blocks away. plus, you cant let those murderous mexicans just get away with their shit.

based on a book which i havent read, the ruins is a good little thriller sans a serial killer. not a horror movie per se, but it delivers in areas a lot of the recent fright flicks failed to. i suddenly remembered that weird scene from evil dead...

the good: tension, gore, story.
the bad: slow start.
the ugly: i squirmed when jeff made cuts to stacy's body to get the [spoiler] out.
the verdict: 7 phone rings.


the ruined.

nine

i want us to fight over the space on the bed, possession of the remote control and dinner destination decisions. i want to have long, going-off-tangent conversations on unrelated topics that begin with the uselessness of the appendix (other than to have appendicitis) and end with the binary form of words. i want to feel the relief of stretching strained muscles caused by complete absence of motion in an uncomfortable position because you have fallen asleep on my chest and your spit has caked on my nipple. i want to be smothered with unending sweet kisses and overly tight embraces. i want to choke laughing at the sound and smell of your fart. i want to make love to you, watching the beautiful contortions of your face and then you'd look at me and ask: "what's wrong?" and i'd say: "absolutely nothing." followed by your celestial moans all the way to supernova.

in other words,

i want to be with you.

●○○○ ●○○● - ●○○○ ●○●○ - ●○○○ ○○○● - ●○○○ ○○○● - ○●○○ ●○●○

P. S. I LOVE YOU by jeeanfoxy

ok, before you snare at what you just read, let me just say that the title doesn't give justice to the movie. it isn't as cheesy as you think. or maybe that's just me. it's a chick flick for cryin out loud! but i do think guys could get something out of this. you don't have rocks for hearts, do you guys? *smug*

"A young widow discovers that her late husband has left her 10 messages intended to help ease her pain and start a new life."

starring:
Hilary Swank
Gerard Butler ( fyi, he's King Leonidas, bitches! )
Lisa Kudrow
Kathy Bates

my cousin meggy came home today and as a bonding moment we watched this movie in her room.

so here's the deal, let's cut the crap.

i'm impressed. the dialogues were long but nonetheless entertaining. the story is somewhat different from the rest of the chick flicks i've seen and it kept me guessing what was gonna be the resolution. lovezit. it was a little dragging though, a bit confusing at times (i always needed to tell the flashbacks and the imagination apart) but the context was intense, romantic, realistic, heavy, but it never failed to give me the good ol' "awwwww...". it was drama with a pint of comedy and just the right mix of love.

and goddamit those filming locations are superb!!!
( if it's CGI, then wtf, i don't care. )

here are some of my favorite lines.

Gerry Kennedy/Gerard Butler:
Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you

Holly Kennedy/Hilary Swank:
[crying] When daddy left, I was fourteen, and I said... never again, no man. And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean you're alone no matter what.

Holly Kennedy/Hilary Swank:
Dear Gerry, you said you wanted me to fall in love again, and maybe one day I will. But there are all kinds of love out there. This is my one and only life, And its a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive. I don't have a plan... except, it's time my mom laughed again. She has never seen the world... she has never seen Ireland. So, I'm taking her back where we started... Maybe now she'll understand. I don't know how you did it, but you brought me back from the dead. I'll write to you again soon. P.S... Guess what?


Jeeanfoxy:
Love is forever. It's a blackhole that's hard to get out of. You can turn into shreds or just disappear. But the weird thing about it is we love the feeling of not being able to get out. Love conquers our being. It unleashes our inner selves and our truest needs and wants. And if we die in this black hole confused, in denial, and alone, the important thing is we had the chance to experience all the risks, the falls, and the renaissance, and we regret no more. It is the reality that we're all afraid of. Why? Because once again, we know, we can't get out of it. There's no stopping it. It sucks you in and drains you of your strength. It drained me. It did. It still does. But to my surprise, the pain it causes me gives me happiness because the pain always ends, and the pleasure afterwards seems better. You and I have entered into the world of uncertainty and moments tainted with sinful thoughts and inescapable agony, fear and hope, but still, love is there, and suddenly the ocean breeze whispers, "I'm wind. I can be stronger, I can be a storm, but I'm still me, and you're still together. And then I disappear, and you realize that you're in each others' arms, closer than ever, your everlasting warmth keeping you alive."

That warmth, is nothing else, but love.
And I'm keeping it.

I'm alive. Love keeps me breathing.

xoxo
Jeean

ps.
I love you.


*yes. the cinemafia is open for chick flick reviews as well, as long as they're as good as this. -don skizzo

bored and dangerous

how am i? just peachy. thanks for not asking.

it's been almost three months since mt. asshole erupted and i hightailed the uno premises to keep my (in)sanity intact. once again, i had donned the derelicte duds of a hapless bum and had lazed around the house, much to the chagrin of my common dwellers. my only friends during the long periods of ennui were the mythbusters and the occasional internet-borne stimuli. having watched every dvd i bought before i kicked the work bucket and with nary a cent to purchase new ones, i turned to torrent technology to help me brush up on the movies i've missed. subsituting popcorn with spicy noodles, i watched son of rambow, teeth, the boondock saints (a new favorite), blade runner, the mutant chronicles and many others (no, that's not a movie. i dont know if there's a movie with such a title. what i meant was...you knew that.) . i re-viewed kevin smith's chasing amy and loved it twice more. also saw the orphanage, which was okay but not scary enough. damn i miss being scared.

the goddess of all things cute and sexy, whom i love with every ounce of blood that passes through my ventricles, was instrumental in jolting me out of my drear but her appearances were confined to my waking and sleeping hours. sometimes i'd be lucky to have her undivided attention for a whole day and i'd be secretly pressing my nostrils on the computer monitor, hoping to get a whiff of her beautiful hair's beautiful smell. her laughter is my vitamin.

anyways, i'll be saying au revoir to loserdom soon for i bagged a new job and will be starting on tuesday. office stuff but it pays well so screw "doing what you makes you happy" for now. at least i'd be stretching my lip muscles on salary day. i'm itching to get my phalanges on a psp god of war limited edition, which is not counting chickens before they are hatched but setting a goal to keep me up on whatever i should be up on. i've sworn to do well on this one, take it seriously and not fuck around so that i can save for my future and all that shit.

that's that, bye for now and as darkwing duck used to say, let's get dangerous...

p.s. i created a separate blog for movie reviews and decided to make it a group blog where friends can be regular reviewers. if you've got a predilection for them ole moving pictures and fondly type your thoughts, you should join cinemafia.
p.p.s. i want a baby. now.

never mind

i remember when i transferred to ihmc in san juan during second grade, i had to take an iq test and scored 146. do iq's increase over time? i don't know if this is real but i'm posting it anyways because egoboosters like this come by rarely for me. i still hold dear my 146 score, though. i was effin eight years old, man!

cut me some slack, please. it's a slow day.

short story: four weeks

He was Jak without a C and she was Michele with one L. He was a writer and she was a nurse. That was how they introduced themselves when they first met at a party and they immediately hit it off. After weeks of horror movies and rough sex in his basement bedroom, Jak proposed to Michele by dressing up as a surgeon and pulling out a cheap ring from a patient's open chest. She said yes. They moved into an apartment downtown that was close to the hospital and were very happily married until they realized how different they were. Hence, they fought a lot.

While Michele worked her butt off in the hospital, Jak stayed at home most of the time, collecting rejection slips from publishers. He tried to work at a fast food joint but kept forgetting orders and burning patties so he was fired on day one. He was offered a job at an advertising company but he just didn't want to be an office tool. Michele would come home and they'd fight about everything but they would always patch things up again because Jak would always find a creative way to make it up to her.

One morning, Jak decided to end his life.

They had a big shouting match the previous night and he broke a vase. At breakfast, he hugged Michele and told her: "I love you, love. I am so sorry. Everything will be okay now." She kissed him and left for work without saying a word.

Jak cleaned the apartment. He washed the dishes, picked up his clothes, swept the floor and threw out the trash. He then showered, shaved and put on the tuxedo he wore on their wedding. He even combed his hair. After checking himself in front of the bedroom mirror, Jak pulled out a toolbox from under the bed and took the gun inside it.

He returned to the mirror and sat on the chair he had placed in front of it. In the back of his mind, he hoped that his death would get his stories the attention they deserve. But more importantly, Michele was better off without him. She'd probably hook up with that doctor who kept hitting on her and have a way happier life than he could ever give her.

He smiled at himself and thought: "Now, I'll never get the chance to see her striptease out of her nurse uniform. Oh, well."

He grabbed the gun, placed the barrel in his mouth and closed his eyes.

The doorbell rang.

Jak put the gun away and answered the door. It was Scotty, their obnoxious neighbor.

"Hey, Jak," he said. "Do you have a shovel I can borrow? You see, I'm..."

"No," Jak said and began to close the door.

But Scotty stopped it. "Don't you wanna know why I need a shovel? You see, I have to bury..."

"No," Jak said and pushed the door shut.

"Hey, why are you wearing a tux anyway? You a magician or something? Can you teach me some tricks?"

Jak walked towards the bedroom but suddenly had an idea for a story. As a force of habit, he tore a Post-It from the pad and wrote it down. He was about to stick it on the wall behind his PC but then realized the business at hand and so he just crumpled it up and threw it into bin. In the bedroom, he turned on the stereo and played The Ramones' Blitzkrieg Bop because he thought that was a good song to die to. When he was back on the chair, the gun wasn't on the desk. He had forgotten where he put it. He searched the whole desk and pulled out the drawers but it wasn't there. He checked the bed, the closet, the bathroom and got zilch. He looked for it everywhere and basically messed up the whole house again in the process but he just couldn't find the gun. He gave up and calmed himself down. Whenever he forgot something, the best way to remember it was to stop thinking about it. So, he turned on the TV and sat on the couch.

He felt the gun press on his lower back. He stood up and learned that the gun had been holstered behind him all along.

He turned the TV off, went back to the bedroom, played Blitzkrieg Bop again and put the gun in his mouth.

"Jak!" came Michele's voice followed by the door closing. Jak spun around and slowly placed the gun inside a drawer.

Michele entered the bedroom with her left hand on her tummy and a small white object in between her right thumb and index finger. There was a hole on it that showed a red plus sign.

"We're gonna have a baby!"

Jak simply gulped.

clear?

last week, while walking around the mall to kill time before watching the dark knight, i happened upon an idea for a commercial. so, i download trailers of batman begins, the dark knight and american psycho from youtube and edited it on top of the original commercial's audio using adobe premiere. the result:

the sweetest sin

my bed is an island.

we are but two survivors of crashing lives, of invisible scars and reckless lies, swept to find solace under the sheets. i am happy to be stuck here with you. i will not build a fire so no one will find us to rescue us and pull us apart. our love shall keep us warm. both heads in one pillow, i stare into your eyes and get lost in a prurient trance.

behind your lips lies a world beyond words, i desire to be its ruler. i will wage wars for your skin and make it my kingdom and conquer the haven between your thighs...

and then time stops stopping for us and the twilight arrives. you turn to leave as you've sinned enough for one day. your kiss on my cheek where a tear just passed is the perfect conclusion to this fantasy. alone in my bed, naked and infected, i lie in eternal wait.

my bed is our island. in the middle of a sea where the dreaming ends and reality begins.

THE DARK KNIGHT by jaiskizzy

"slaughter is the best medicine"

the gist: ever since batman began, gotham city's crime rate is on a dwindle with evildoers rainchecking their evildoings at the sight of the bat signal and mobsters holding their prayer meetings during the day. and with the people's paladin, harvey dent, on his side, future-commissioner gordon can't help but wear a happy smile under his 'stache. as the batman disposes of his posers (instead of posting bulletins on friendster), some nutjob who flunked cosmetic school and chose a career in carnage intrudes and offers his insights for a better gotham. for a guy named joker, he ain't funny at all.

i've always thought that tim burton's vision of batman was ok. eventhough it looked like batman might start singing and pirouetting any moment, the first two films were dark and gothic and i liked it. then came joel schumacher who gayified the franchise by adding colors like pink, corny oneliners and bat nipples (but not on batgirl). for that, he will never be forgiven. so, thank holy heavens for christopher nolan for putting the man back in batman and bringing him into the real world. great director. memento remains one of my favorite films ever. this dude is like a hollywood jesus who took the diseased caped crusader and cured him. batman begins was just a taste of what he could do with the material. with the origin story done with, he could take the bat wherever he wanted and he took the dark knight to masterpiece territory. his directorial decisions were perfect, turning the movie into more of a noir crime film than a flashy superhero movie, with great characters, pacing, action, tension, drama, dialogue, all in one two-hour short presentation. and there's no dragging, tearjerker funeral for the death of a major character. i like that. forget not, of course, his bro, jonathan, a huge part of the genius of nolan's movies for his amazing screenwriting powers. darn these nolans.

i'll strike the below-zero first because there's only one and it goes by the name of maggie gyllenhaal. she's a fine actress, yes, liked her in secretary, but she just failed to be rachel dawes, a character invented for the franchise to replace vicki vale. she just destroyed any possibility of ms. dawes being added into the batman comic canon. she's not ugly, but compared to mrs. cruise, she is. it's an olive oyl syndrome. watching her be torn between bruce wayne and harvey dent was like watching popeye and bluto fight over that ugly bitch. you just don't get why. maybe she gives good head? i dont know. but anyways...

christian bale is an amazing bruce wayne. he's a good batman, but i've always believed michael keaton played the dichotomy better. bale's lips looked weird when he spake as batman. dont know if it's supposed to be an effect of the voice enhancer but it seemed like had too much love for lip readers. the costume looks fine btw. finally solved that head-turning issue. anyways, who the heck is aaron eckhart? give this guy a medal. what a great harvey dent he was, especially when he became two-face. give another medal to the guy who made two-face's gross half like that. that shit is nasty. i had flashbacks of skinned goats hanging in the kitchen during fiesta in my grandparents' house. awesome. the perfect casting of gary oldman as jim gordon is proven even more in this sequel, as he isnt a minor character anymore. do you know the name of the fat dude in the other batman movies? no? me neither. anyways, there's this scene where batman, gordon and dent are forging an alliance on the bat signal rooftop which is lifted directly from the long halloween and that was just amazing.

now, the late heath ledger as joker... first, great that the joker doesnt have an origin. in the comics, the joker is so insane that he himself can't tell which past in his mind is real (he prefers multiple choice, the killing joke). that concept was realized nicely in the movie, with joker telling different stories on how he got his ichi-the-killer inspired scars. anyways, back to heath. just about every superlative and hyperbole has been used on his performance and it deserves every one of them. unlike batman who gets to be bruce wayne/christian bale, he was in joker makeup almost the whole time because he was not heath ledger anymore. he was just the joker. every flick of his tongue and roll of his eye, every fidget and every word he says, topnotch. i still hold firm that mark hamill did the definitive joker voice but heath ledger is joker in the flesh. that is one hard portrayal to match, let alone beat, if they ever decide to make a part three and bring the clown prince of crime back. if they do, i nominate either javier bardem or joseph gordon-levitt (just because he looks like heath). put harley quinn in and i'll buy a ticket right now.

no surprise that the dark knight is kicking ass outside of the movie world, breaking box office records like bones. the film is so great it has been lined up with the classics heat and the godfather 2. i couldn't agree more. the dark knight blew me away more than all of my exgfs did.


the good: the whole movie except...
the bad: maggie gyllenhaal.
the ugly: ditto.
the verdict: 10 disappearing pencils.


the dork knight.
(or the choker. this review is for my harley quinn.)

cloud mine

this is my blog's word cloud:um...that's it. thanks, wordle.

THE DARK KNIGHT by jeeanfoxy

so what if it's another batman movie? its the best one yet!

things get more comic-y this time around, unlike in Batman Begins where the darkness and dragging storyline consumed me more than the good parts did. in the first one i kept thinking "o tapos? ano ngayon? so? ang tagal! flashback na naman? ano ba tlg?" ...and needless to say batman's props looked like crap. boo.

the dark knight presented a totally different perspective of what a batman movie should be. it was obviously done excellently from start to finish, and i bet even the split-second scenes took time to get right. the car chases were a bit dizzying but satisfying nonetheless. and here's a big plus: the hunky christian bale in his upgraded batman getup loaded with way cooler gadgets that will keep your head spinning all thoughout the movie.

and here go the minuses. (1) a very un-lengthy exposure of a villain (no, not the Joker). (2) maggie gyllenhaal's fugliness kept me distracted and detached from her Rachel Daws character. miscast. bigtime. and um... (3) batman isn't a hero? o.O

and now we come to Heath Andrew. Heath "Sayang ka bakit ka namatay" Andrew Ledger. his performace deserves an Oscar, no doubt about it. no one else could have played the role of The Joker better. heathie, may you rest in peace, drug-free.

the dark knight kept me at the edge of my seat. i'm the type of person who gets bored quite easily, but with TDK, i had my eyes glued to the screen from start to finish. the movie was quite long but it didn't fuckin matter...! the dark knight rules. boom. box office.

watch it, you low lives. here's my analogy: for the girls, it's better than chocolates and flowers on top of a box filled with havaianas. for the guys, it's better than your favorite porn.

xoxo
JeeanHatesMaggieGyllenhaal

profondo paradiso

pretend this was us and not something i googled up.

it was supposed to be an ordinary [bleep]day for me and my jellybean; she, trying to absorb a lecture, and me, running out of things to do at home. but nay, we can't settle for another mundane day away from each other. so i gassed up the car, picked her up and we decided to hold up a jollibee, because no one's ever done it and pointing a gun at that effeminate giant insect must feel good. however, traffic was quite heavy in our prospective direction so we u-turned and just went to the beach instead. right choice.

after about an hour of talking, singing, laughing, driving with one hand because i was holding hers with the other, buying a footlong sandwich and contemplating what it would be like to have a penis of that length (just one more inch, dammit), we arrived at the place that seemingly had been reserved for us because we had it all to ourselves. money switched palms and we immediately undressed near the car to reveal our swim garb underneath, much to each other's delight, mostly mine due to the small black pieces of cloth with strings covering her oh-so-wonderful treasure chest. with her porcelain skin and curves at the proper areas, i think i lost the ability to control my saliva flow and was wet before i even hit the water.

we first dipped our heavenly bodies (okay, only hers) into the pool and stayed there for quite a while. my sexy fair lady knew how to swim but she refused my requests to show off her butterfly and backstroke. insert breaststroke joke here. i was underwater most of the time, admiring her luscious legs, hoping my lenses remained in my eyes. we kissed, we hugged, we had a lot of fun especially when it got silly. there's this stupid dance step i do to a boy band song and we found out that it's not advisable to do it in a pool. we did bullet-time sequences and she was in stitches when i performed a multiple kick move. i always love how she laughs. i tried teaching her this water-squirting thing i can do with my hands but she just can't do it. nobody else can. nobody.

wouldn't it be cool if like, there was a way you could go from the pool to the sea without leaving the water? anyways, we headed to the shore and soaked in the warm liquid salt. with no one else in the water, we felt like we owned everything up to the edge of the horizon. i watched her be scared of the waves like a kid. the waves werent that big but they assaulted her nonetheless. a priceless moment, and i knew i am truly in love with her. a shark could come by and bite my head off and i would die happy.

people started to pour in as we turned to the showers and there's a part of this story that i have to skip but i'll just say that it involves a door without a lock. we dressed, drove home and danced in the car. it was a perfect day until i fucked up a bit in the end. darn bicyclist. anyways, overall, it was a great first real date, the best ever i've had so far, a memory meant to be reminisced over and over again. the gods envied us that day.

may the fates who have brought us together conspire to pave a promising future for us so that we'll hope no more and just be.

i love you, love.


p.s. so screw me.

you want more fans, i want more stage

1. Go here. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go here. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3. Go here. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Go here. The first ten links you end up in (minus the .coms) are your 10 song titles.

the results:

my band's name:
curry village

album title:
most people never listen

cover:

songs:
roy's world
temple university
under a dying sun
bring back knightmare
fairweather
i'm scared
fall inside
security distro
move on
tremble (if you don't have a rat, you can't be one of us)


p.s. thanks, fox.

stampede

i woke up tonight with tears in my eyes and shoeprints on my shirt. but the invisible stains are harder to clean.

i feel like i've been chasing my own shadow.

what doesn't kill you makes you stranger? perhaps. or maybe i am already dead. i just don't know it.

i need emotional surgery.

p.s. yes. it doesnt make sense.

WANTED by jaiskizzy

the gist: office pawn wesley is fed up with his life in a cubicle. he takes anti-anxiety pills to calm himself down from smashing the pc monitor into a co-worker's face. turns out that his high anxiety means something: his father who left him when he was a week old is actually one of the best assassins in town. a group of assassins called the fraternity, complete with hazing initiation, wants him to be part of their payroll. they send angelina jolie to "recruit" him, which is a great decision since it's pretty hard to say no to her. cue the bon jovi song and let the bullets fly!

i had a very similar movie plot years ago which is now worthless because it's gonna look like i ripped off wanted. boo-hoo. the moment i saw the bullets hitting each other in the trailer, i was like, there goes one of my script ideas blown to smithereens. anyways, when i heard that the director of wanted was the russian guy who directed the russian film nightwatch, i knew there was something spectacular to look forward to this movie. nightwatch and its sequel daywatch were absurd but visually cool films and the director has brought his unique style to hollywood. wanted will make you question physics while wearing a tent in your pants. and i aint even talking about angelina jolie yet. without giving anything away, you have never seen wanted's action scenes in any other action movie.

moving on to mrs. pitt. i would watch any movie with angeline jolie shooting a gun. that woman is badass. she doesnt hold a gun like a girl. i won't be surprised if she's an actual hitwoman in real life. if i were to be killed by an assassin, i would wish it was her, naked, and biting her lower lip when she pulls the trigger. james mcavoy was kind of a hit-and-miss (damned puns). him as wesley the wuss didnt work for me and felt like he was channeling shia labeouf a bit. he was good as the badass bulleteer though.

cant say the same thing about morgan freeman. he's a great actor but he just didnt belong in this movie. i think they were supposed to get samuel l. jackson but he was too busy doing motherfucker speeches in colleges so they opted for morgan instead who acted like he was still the president of the united states of america in deep impact. and since we're on the gripe train already... there were way too many slow-mos that this movie would have probably been half an hour shorter if those scenes had run at normal speed. i mean, okay, we got it the first time, to make the bullet curve, you have to shoot the gun with an arm sweep. it doesnt have to be slow-moed every single time someone does it.

i have several reasons to hate this movie (some aren't even about the movie) but overall i enjoyed the shootout show. word's out that the studios want a sequel but i cant imagine one without angelina. maybe she has a twin sister?

the good: the story, the direction and the hot chick with great lips.
the bad: james mcavoy in the first quarter, slow-mo overkill, and the predictable ending.
the ugly: morgan freeman after he says "oh, fuck."
the verdict: 7 letter-u-substitute teeth.


unwanted.

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY by jaiskizzy

the gist: some guy named zia decides to clean his room up and then slash his wrists with a razor. apparently, when you "off" yourself (commit suicide, yo), you end up in an afterlife world much like ours except it is so dull and everything's been slightly desaturated in photoshop. there he meets eugene who helps him search for his girlfriend, who supposedly killed herself too, and they both bump into a chick who wants to find the people in charge of that world. what a weird and cute lil movie.

i almost offed myself during my angsty years but i couldnt pull the trigger then so there's no way i can confirm if such a dimension exists for suicidals. the emo people surely would love that though. this movie however aint got no shade of emo on it at all. so, dont go owning the movie just because of the title, you sidecombed freaks. anyways, wristcutters is pretty much a journey movie where a guy and his friend hits the road on a quest of some sort and stumbles upon various stuff and people along the way. zia and the moustached dude have great non-chemistry and it's fun to watch them be friends but not really. add in the odd chick who likes to mess up with signs and you've got a trio of misfits who are and arent better off together at the same time. am i making any sense?

the dude who played zia looked familiar, i couldnt quite remember where i've seen him and am too lazy to check imdb. but he's okay, the role didnt call for anything special really. he got to kiss leslie bibb though, so he's pretty lucky. the dude who played the moustached dude though was great. i actually thought he was eugene hutz (the musician that the character was based on). the odd chick was so-so, she's not really on my list of favorite actresses and i would have liked someone beautifuler but she did fine. and then there was...will arnett?!

i'll "cut" this review short and simply say that it's a good film to watch to pass time, not when you want something to pump up your pulse rate or if you have a sibling who believes my chemical romance's music is music.

the good: the premise.
the bad: unconvincing clumsiness.
the ugly: used-condom beach.
the verdict: 6 floorboard blackholes.


templeshooter.

the square root of tears

jackpot wrote me a poem:

skip counting

how can one feel neglected
if that's not what two intended?

she tried real hard to mend it
took her time to spend it
like the shadow at his feet
she relentlessly had to repeat
what made them fall in love at first
and how they are haunted by their worst
she was too easy
to cry like a baby
but she never cared
no, she never cared
one walked the old road of solitude
maintained his unfaltering attitude
with blistered feet she caught him
with a loss for breath she held him
but he never cared
no, he never cared

what is two to do
when one can't handle three?

so i wrote her one as well:

pseudoku

hand-clasped lovers in front of me,
we too would be eventually.
i must ignore my misery
and wait a little longer.

hours pass and pages fly,
i find you with another guy.
i must control my urge to cry
and be a little stronger.

i need to go. dont fail me, feet.
be brave to walk an endless street.
i must accept my brief defeat
and push a little further.

aching legs and heaving chest,
i know i've done my very best.
i must allow my heart to rest
and dream a little murder...

she and me

one month. one secret spot. two ice cream flavors. four french kisses. three pictures.

as much as i want the whole wicked world to know how beautiful she is, lives are at stake so i'll keep her identity hidden for now. and yes. i am one lucky ugly bastard.

goshdarnit, i am so in love with this girl.

party on, george!

about two months ago, i was leafing through sale books in powerbooks and i came across one entitled when will jesus bring the porkchops? by george carlin. george was the guy who played the cardinal in dogma and introduced the buddy jesus to the public, and then later a hitchhiker in jay and silent bob strike back who gave some trucker a blowjob in exchange for a ride. but i remember him most as rufus from the bill and ted movies. anyways, i enjoyed a few pages from the book and regret not buying it. george carlin, at 71, just died of heart failure yesterday.

i remember some one liners from that book but here's one that best fits this tragedy:

"If I ever had a stroke, I hope it will be early in the morning, so I don’t take my vitamins that day for no reason."

r.i.p., motherfucker.

AVERE VENT'ANNI by jaiskizzy

the gist: two chicks who are "young, beautiful and pissed off" meet on a beach and team up to celebrate their youth, beauty and pissed-offness. they use their allure to their advantage, hitching rides, stealing food and staying in a commune apartment for free. sex, encyclopedia selling and quite a bit of silly dancing ensue.

im trying to brush up on my obscure film knowledge and set my sights on giallo movies. giallos are italian movies know for their sexual and violent content. in this infamous attempt by a guy named fernando di leo, you see these two half-naked women strutting their shit around and craving for a lay. the title translates to "being twenty" but i didnt actually bump into girls like them when i was twenty. i probably would have gassed up their tank if i did. anyways, there is however zero gore in this movie, unless you count the notorious ending. there's ample nudity and yet no actual humping. so there's really not much to enjoy here. unless inward nipples pop your banana.

still, it wasn't completely boring. the chicks seem natural and make you think that they're really just being their real selves. i prefer the silent but naughty blonde over the loud and slutty brunetter though. watching them twist heads around and get what they want is pretty entertaining. in the commune, they settle in a room occupied by a gayish crow wannabee who's always in meditation and speaks of leaving his body there and being with the celestial father. the girls nonchalantly do their carnal cavorting right in front of him. i also liked the scene where the brunette is seducing a professor to buy the encyclopedia by touching herself. she tells him hearing the word "culture" from him makes her horny and he just repeats it nonsensically.

the ending was supposed to be a big shocker after all these seemingly pointless shenanigans but i didnt find it that appalling. it's not bloody and the "deed" is done off screen. it involves a piece of wood. at this point though, the girls get to showcase their acting chops. and i was relieved that it was the ending because it was one of the worst actings i've ever seen. she was being assaulted by men but the blonde chick looked like she was swatting invisible bees. jeez.

the good: the uninhibited leads.
the bad: plotless, pointless, painless.
the ugly: needs a trim.
the verdict: 4 packs of marlboro for a blowjob.


old, ugly and very, very pissed off.