resignation letter

To: Bruce Wayne a.k.a. Batman
From: Alfred Pennyworth
Re: Resignation

Dear Master Bruce:

It is with the sincerest of apologies to announce through this bat-monitor message that I am resigning from my position as your butler, confidant and all-around housekeeper effective immediately. Surely, you must have realized that already when you came into Wayne Manor tonight and could not find me to assist you in getting yourself out of that leather suit of yours.

Contrary to what you might believe, the decision came easy because basically, I am tired of your guano.

You have nary a pinch of idea how much suffering I have endured during my tenure. Being locked up alone in this humongous museum of a house is one thing. Doing all the chores by myself is another. Who washes all those dishes and pans after your big-ass parties? Me and only me. I have always wondered why, with all your money, you never bothered to hire a few others or at least use that advanced technology you always tinker with and make a fricking robot to ease the load off my back. And that is just the Manor. The Batcave is a whole other set of self-torture. Keeping that place free from the stench of bat droppings is no simple task. I guess it's only fair to tell you now that last night I caught one of your "pets", cooked it and served it as chicken carbonara for dinner. Guess what I used to make the white sauce.

Though I have chosen to sever our ties and pursue my other passion (ballroom dancing), I guarantee you that your secret identity is safe with me. But I have made copies of all the data in your hard drives ready to be sent to your competitors just in case you have any plans of revenge. I mean, we both know you are one bitter bastard.

Thank you and good luck on striking fear into the hearts of men or whatever.

Sincerely,


Alfred

P.S. I was kidding about the bat soup but the mop is in the third cabinet from the kitchen door in case you puked when I mentioned it.