pitch slap #1: sherlock holmes

obligatory intro: when hollywood suffers an idea drought, producers turn to sequels, remakes and adaptations to keep the bills rolling. though i am a vanguard of creativity and originality, i do, however, have nothing against such resort, granted that it's good because, as we all know, while some do quite well, most attempts plummet to epic fail territory. so, here's my two centimos on what i believe hollywood should try next...

sherlock holmes is deemed the most filmed fictional character ever (followed by dracula). and yet, amidst all the hoopla of book adaptations, there's nary a single clue on any plans for a new sherlock holmes movie. since i dont think any producer would jump at a straightforward murder mystery, my concept is a "retooling" of the iconic detective, a whodunit mixed with a little action adventure a la indiana jones. sherlock holmes as an action hero? of course. he does fencing, boxing and some judo, too, i think, and so it's a not total departure from his character. just take a murder, pepper it with a conspiracy and have holmes and watson going places, beating bad guys, finding clues and solving the mystery just in time for the closing credits.

my plot would be an origin story with sherlock holmes vs. jack the ripper. the medical precision of the killings make dr. watson a suspect and then he bumps into sherlock holmes who is on the case. they rescue a would-victim named irene adler, whom holmes falls in love with. baddies show up and the trio realize there's something more to it than just a guy whacking whores. it could be that there's a secret government experiment that went wrong, maybe they're taking recently dead criminals and reviving them into assassins, and jack the ripper escaped or something. and then in the end, holmes finds out that professor moriarty had a part in it, in a possible-sequel ending.

my dream cast: there is no other actor on earth right now who is more fit to play holmes than hugh laurie. all he's got to do is basically play his most famous role to date, house, in his natural british accent but with more brooding and less negativity. cant see him wearing that deerstalker hat though. anyways, as for watson, i first envisioned philip seymour hoffman but i thought maybe the movie needed a little comic relief. and then it came to me, a bespectacled simon pegg as dr. watson. he's pulled from his dull doctor life and he's chronicling everything they do in a journal with hopes of publishing it in the future. put in a hot actress like kate winslet as irene adler and tobin bell as professor moriarty and you've got your new sherlock holmes movie. case closed (sheesh).

p.s. i have a hardbound book that has all the sherlock holmes short stories, unabridged and illustrated with the original artwork from the strand magazine. joyce, you're cute and all but please bring it back in one piece. or else.
p.p.s. you win, luna. needle it is. or he is.
p.p.p.s. "i'm not your friend, buddy." "i'm not your buddy, guy." "i'm not your guy, friend." i'm not your friend, buddy."