no such things

warning: this is quite long.

this post's title was the title of a short story i started years ago but never finished. it was about ghosts. at that time, i already had a firm belief that ghosts aren't real but i wanted to do a take on it and see what i could come up with. there were some early scares through noises and moving objects but i only got about halfway and got stuck. i couldn't think of a way (different, new, mine) of what the ghosts would be like when my characters encountered them. of course, i could have gone the usual route and made them movie-like but that wouldn't be me. so, like many others before and after it, the document was deleted and the idea, buried.


the reason i suddenly had this itch to blog about the ghost "phenomenon": i work in alabang and im currently staying over at my tita's house until i find a place of my own. i sleep at her son's room; he's in college and has a condo. the room, according to past conversations, is haunted, which to me is bullshit. anyway, it has an aircon, but the flaps are kinda broken and the breeze can't be redirected away from the bed. i hate moving air. i hate blankets. i can sleep in the cold with no shirt on as long as there's no breeze hitting me. so, on the first night, i used a blanket and had a hard time falling asleep. second night, i lied at the very edge of the bed, no blanket, no shirt, and went to dreamland shortly. i woke up some time after midnight and i was in the middle of the bed again. since i only had a few hours of sleep left, i turned the aircon off. as i began to doze off, i heard a faint creaking sound. i paid it no attention until it came again, twice. i stood up and tried to find what was making it. it was the plastic computer table. it creaked exactly the way i heard it when i jerked it a bit. the aircon was off so i checked the windows. both of them were shut. when i went back to bed, it creaked again. what i did was i stared at it and waited for it, i was thinking maybe a passing rat caused it. nothing. when my eyes started to close again, it creaked once more and i got up. no rat. surely, i would have gotten a glimpse of it at least. but anyway, i shrugged it off and tried to go back to sleep. it creaked a couple of times more and then never again. a couple of winks away from slumber, i felt a cold wind gently blow across my back. when it did it again, i stood up and checked the aircon and the windows. nothing. i plopped back on the bed and slept on it. the cold breeze went past several times but i didn't mind it. i was so sleepy and soon, the sandman won.

that was my first first-hand experience of that kind of thing. i wasn't dreaming it, i wasn't on drugs, i was a bit drunk but beer never did that to me. i wasn't even scared one bit. there's probably a scientific explanation to all of what had occurred. whatever it is, i still strongly believe that there's no such things as ghosts. believing in ghosts would mean believing in souls and believing in souls means believing in a god who gave them. now, to keep that argument short, i do not believe in the bible god that the church has forced upon everyone. if there is a god-being, then it is beyond description, beyond understanding and beyond existence (and definitely wouldn't have three personas and wouldn't impregnate a virgin to give birth to the human version of himself). i do however think that we each have a soul, a sort of invisible glue that holds the body together. that "soul", like the god-being we can't ever know, is beyond our comprehension. to avoid making this paragraph as long as the previous one, i'll just enumerate my top three reasons for not believing in ghosts based on the concept i just mentioned.

1. ghosts can't have clothes. why would they wear clothes anyway? you have a soul. your clothes don't. don't say that there are clothes because of what the people remember the dead person by. if so, then one ghost should be wearing different clothes according to each person. don't even say it was the last thing they were wearing before they died. what, the clothes died as well?! an argument against mine would be, all living things have souls. human, animals and plants. clothes are made of stuff that come from plants. so clothes do have souls. crapola. if i put a man in a grinder and make a burger out of him, does the burger have a soul? ooh, here comes the burger ghost! sheesh.
   
2. ghosts can't have feelings. when i told my mom what happened to me, she said that it was probably playing with me and that i should talk to "it". why would a ghost play? to be happy? what for? if i don't play with it, would it get mad at me? of course not. ghosts cannot have emotions. if a ghost is sad, will it cry? no. it doesn't have tear ducts. it doesn't have eardrums or vocal chords either so no use talking to it. a ghost is a soul remember? it has left your dead body and therefore cannot have any human body functions.
3. ghosts can't have "unfinished missions". they always say this one: whether it's a vengeful ghost or a kind ghost, the reason they're still here is because they still have something to do. so when you die, you retain the concept of right or wrong?! a good girl is murdered and her ghost becomes evil to bring her killer to justice?! aren't you supposed to be just a soul awaiting judgment from god whether to take you to heaven or put you in hell? plus, if you believe that a ghost lingers in our world due to unfinished business, then you're debunking the idea that god has preprogrammed everyone's life. he controls your fate and your death, remember?

okay, i probably wasn't able to bring my point across clear enough. to summarize: believing in the bible god means ghost do not exist. believing in ghosts means bible god doesn't exist. i believe neither. yes, i have no solid or scientific evidence to support my arguments. well, do you? no. nobody has. which is why im making such speculations. i could only make theories and ask questions. im not saying im right. i hope i am but i really don't know. nobody knows. and i really hate it when someone insists that they know, that they're right. and all they say is that they just do. they just are. bullshitters.

the best way to counterattack assaults such as mine is to just say: it's faith. you have your faith, faith in god, faith in religion, faith in the bible, and no amount of arguing or concrete factual evidence can shatter that faith. that's a pretty good way of shutting the likes of me up. okay, i'll leave you to your faith. because having it means you don't have to lock the door to your house or your car, you don't have to drink medicine or go to the doctor, you don't even have to work. you have faith, right? so, shut up, jump off a cliff and let your faith do its trick. if you don't die and don't become a ghost, no one's ever gonna hear anything like this from me again.

else, fuck your faith.

p.s. if i'm wrong, i'm wrong. big deal. but, if i'm right, ain't that gonna be something?
p.p.s. this entry was brought to you by the letters z, t and e, and by the number 3.1416 . and also, by this video:

uno and juno

uno: when the peoplesupport/t&c shit hit the fan, the bonds of friendships i've built with my co-slaves crumbled. some were tossed over to other accounts, some were thrown to float in unpaid limbo, and a big chunk knew better and jumped ship into open water. i was one of them. we drifted away from each other in different directions and, as if stirred by lady luck herself, the waves washed my bum ass away to the shores of uno (yes, the magazine). although writing is my biggest passion, this is my first time to work for an actual publication and so it would still take a while for this grasshopper to be kung fuing master-level articles. i hope for the patience of my very kind direct superiors. but i swear to do my veriest best against the challenges i shall face in this new, dynamic environment.

juno: here is my review.

p.s. i must give a shoutout to my new drinking buddies: michelle my belle, nobu (who looks like yuki kadooka), gelo, and moira whom i fucking hate because she's weirder than me. thanks for the welcome, guys.
p.p.s. coming soon: a rant about ghosts.

JUNO by jaiskizzy

the gist: after kitty pryde played tag with juggernaut in x-men 3, she left the school and moved to the suburbs and started a band with the less-talky guy from superbad (not mclovin) who now is a member of the track team and wears very short shorts all the time. anyways, something happens on a couch and kitty, who now calls herself juno, gets pregnant and decides to give the baby up for adoption to teen wolf too's todd and the ass-kickin alias chick who was also in daredevil because they got married but cant make a baby no matter how much sex they have. juno's father by the way is j. jonah jameson from spider-man but he doesn't shout a lot this time.

the reaction: until the day i die, i'll always wish i could do my high school years over. i really missed out a lot, especially in priapic conquests, by being such a wuss. that is why i will make sure that my future son avenges me. anyways, high school is the threshold for discoveries to would-be adults and the end result of one of those discoveries is unwanted pregnancy, which is mostly hell for the guilty parties. that's where juno got blessed. her parents don't go nuclear, the baby's dad doesn't breath down her nape, her school doesn't expel her, the couple who would adopt the baby seem cool and everything's accompanied by a soundtrack to put on high-priority downloading. but what seems like a conflict-lacking storyline actually comes off quite compelling, thanks to the wonderfully written script.

this splendor of a script was scribed by a (former) stripper named diablo cody. i salute her for penning a brilliant, biting screenplay that's like a machine gun loaded with uniquely intelligent and funny bullets. although it is hugely told from a female perspective, it is on a level of entertainment suited for both sexes and not as girlie as, say, the sappy jane austen movies that no man would ever admit to having watched and, yikes, cried on. every banter between characters and every off-kilter remark that escapes juno's cute mouth deserves attention. they feel like something we all want to say but not in the same way. and with a premise that's practically similar to knocked up, it's amazing how the two films are entirely different from each other. one of the scenes i liked was the one where jason bateman's character mark tells dario-argento-loving juno about h.g. lewis and they watch a video of a woman having her stomach impaled by a large metal thingy and the pregnant juno likes it.

ellen page was perfect. this girl can act. she was scary in hard candy but stayed cute the whole time, which is creepy. that movie just made me stay away from underage girls even more. now here she is working her mumbo-jumbo again and she just nails every witty line. made me forget for a while there that the weird girls during my high school years were never as cute as her or ever hung out with a hottie in braids and schoolgirl skirts (omg olivia thirlby). michael cera barely said anything and he was just great. there are movie dudes who give great love speeches and then there's michael cera, lord of the low-key. the rest of the cast are older and have more experience so let's just keep the praises to the newbies.

touted as last year's little miss sunshine, juno bagged four oscar nominations (best picture, best actress, director and best original screenplay) and i would be darn surprised if this gem of a film doesnt win at least one of those. it's definitely one of the best of 2007's releases, proving that not all comedies have to be slapstick, gross, r-rated or a spoof of some other movie. this is one baby you won't want to abort.

the good: the screenplay, the cast, the soundtrack, just about everything.
the bad: it's quite girl-biased.
the ugly: the crotch closeups.
the verdict: 9 strawberry panties.


skizzy pop.

indy 4 trailer!

total perspective vortex

to see a gif representation of how universally significant you are, click this.

parasite

i am the laziest blogger in the universe.

[skip explanations]

a while ago, i saw this show on etc called parental control where a guy's mom and dad who hate his current girlfriend each get a girl for him to date and in the end he'll decide whether to keep his main squeeze or pick one of his parents' bets to replace her. neat concept, lame execution, and kinda felt scripted. surprisingly, the dude chose his fat-ass bitch of a girlfriend over two spank-worthy hotties. ftw. anyways, all i could think about the whole time was: my past could have used something like that. oh, well. that's life. you wouldn't collect 200 if you didn't pass go. cant help but wonder though what kind of girls my mom and dad would find for me.

oklahoma. i'm off to get my hitchcock fix and watch vertigo. then rope. then both at the same time. then retreat to my room and play ffxii on my ps2, my bum life redux. but a major overhaul may happen if i "bag the mag." fingers crossed.

p.s. yay. i'll finally get to see a friend i've been friends with through chat, email and text for so long. weird.
p.p.s. it's pretty late but fuck being on time all the time: rest in peace, sir ulrich von lichtenstein. i forgive you for brokeback mountain.