gist: that guy who knocked up that bitch from grey's anatomy is so rich, he had lypoed all his fat off and is banging chicks on the hoods of luxury cars. and then his dad dies and he befriends a guy who looks like harold from harold and kumar who has ass-kicking listed in his resume. the two become overnight lawbreaking superheroes and soon are windborne dust in the eyes of the media-fed public and of disco santa claus, chudnofsky. and then an environmentalist kermit the frog wearing a la salle jacket starts telling green jokes, you know, just to make the whole thing greener.
reaction: i saw a couple of tv episodes and that scene in the bruce lee biopic where jason scott lee slides down a pole instead of using the stairs. also read a couple of issues of the kevin smith-penned comic. that's the range of knowledge i have about the green hornet. and im pretty sure most of the people who saw this movie know even less. so i find it annoying when they just flat-out say they didnt like the movie, them who were probably expecting something in the vein of nolan's batman and raimi's spider-man. there is so much to appreciate in the green hornet that i doubt they even noticed. one perfect example of this is during most of the mumblecore scenes, i was the only one laughing my balls out. there were some pretty funny lines that im sure didn't even reach their earlobes because, as with the average moviegoer these days, they weren't paying attention and were waiting for the next visual stimulus. these pinoyflick junkies and their longing for the loveteam's big kissing scene, the big drama slap-arama or the squeezed in joke stolen from current memes should not be even watching a film directed by michel gondry.
had i not shown my wife michel gondry's unique style, she probably wouldn't like the movie as she did. michel gondry is in a totally different directorial dimension and few really get his brilliance. with katovision, he showed the audience what most action movies eschew: how the asskicking is planned. you've seen action scenes where the protagonist takes down a whole gang of thugs seemingly impromptu, but of course, everything was rehearsed. kato lets us see how he processes the situation before taking action, hence katovision. and it is a-fuckin-mazing. wished gondry had used more of that multiplying background effect, just to give this new generation kato his own style. i was also blown way by the multiply splitscreen sequence. that thing is probably how you'll see your entire life flash before your eyes when you're about to die.
seth rogen's script is very seth rogenish. i understand the hate because he's a comedian and fat but you've got to give the guy some credit. his screenplay is peppered with funny stuff that are actually funny, and except for that one slapsticky bit in the end, none of them felt forced. his britt reid is a complete departure from the original, which fine because a serious millionaire playboy masquerading as a crimefighter is just another batman. as for jay chou, now, you know someone's a star when he's the sidekick but you know him more than the actor he's sidekicking for. im referring to bruce lee of course. he left a legacy that i strongly believe nobody will be able to equal. so it's only proper not to expect that much from jay chou. he struggled with english but he's okay as kato. but i really think it would have been a totally different movie if stephen chow had been kato. and then there's waltz who was great as the villain but was really sort of the same as hans landa. at least his character didnt need an origin story, where he's the product of something the hero did. he's already the bad guy, it's already his turf, and green hornet just basically shits in his kitchen. and finally, cameron diaz is not the cameron diaz we all salivated over for licking jim carrey's ear in the mask. wtf happened there? i dont know but edward furlong surely looks homeless.
conclusion: the best thing i could think of to defend my stance on this movie is this: round the interwebs some time ago was a faux trailer answerng the question what if wes anderson directed spider-man? dry humor, eccentric characters, indie rock music and the futura font. weird execution, totally different from what you'd expect but goshdarnit i would watch it and pretty sure would love it. green hornet is exactly that.
good: gondryisms, bruce lee homages, black beauty
bad: too much comedy.
ugly: cameron diaz. whose salad did she toss to land this gig?
verdict: 9 one-inch punches.
the grim horny.
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