flickstack: the 13 best films of 2009

hey, it's christmas again! 'tis the season for receiving gifts that are rarely the ones you wished for, taking money from your godparents and having your money taken by your godchildren, and getting pestered by bad, divide-and-conquer carolers. sure, there's the usual partying, eating, churchgoing but if there's one thing i hate about christmas in this country, it's the goddarn metro manila film festival. not only do they have the same kind of crap from last year, they force those pieces of shit movies into everyone's faces by having all the theaters show only those pieces of shit. thanks to more mano po, more shake rattle n roll and more hollywood-quality-my-ass eyesores from vic sotto and bong revilla, i will have to wait next year to see sherlock holmes. assholes.

anyways, before i rant any longer, here's my list of the best films i watched this year. and because it's my list, there are thirteen movies, the first 12 in no particular order and the 13th tops them off. so it's kinda like just a top 2 list. but with 13 items. because i like the number thirteen. i know i have already said that but this sentence has thirteen words.

1. up - with that title and having an old man as the main protagonist, you'd have thought it was movie about erectile dysfunction. but thankfully it wass by pixar so it turned out to be a really great kids-and-adults movie. with talking dogs and a "swordfight" between two old men. hmm.

2. watchmen - it wasnt perfect but it was an awesome comic book movie. tdk went the realistic, dark route. watchmen went comic-book-that-moves route. i enjoyed it. anyways, i know you dont want to but you can read my review of this film here. persuasive psychology works sometimes.

3. coraline - freaky stop-motion movie. button-eyed people, circus mice, better parent dilemma. im gonna let my daughter watch this when she old enough. like two years old maybe.

4. 500 days of summer - this movie was the kind of boy-meets-girl love story movie that we need more of, instead of the ones where the couple falls apart and one of them wins the other back with something cheesy.

5. thirst - fuck new moon. while those twilight fags were sparkling and flexing, sang-hyeon, a priest, was sucking blood from a comatose patient through an iv tube. this is the vampire film of the year.

6. zombieland - and this one is the zombie fillm of the year. bill murray rules.

7. moon - this movie is about a guy who is alone in the moon for three years. there's more to that but it would spoil the movie. i liked it a lot and i dont know what else to say...oh yeah, fuck new moon.

8. sin nombre - intense spanish film on gangs and poverty. the gang leader with tattoos on his face had a baby along while the new recruit killed a member of the rival gang as initiation. im grateful im not the father taking his daughter to america by riding on train roofs.

9. district 9 - im pretty sure that unlike this amazing movie, if aliens came to this country, the darn government wouldnt know what to do. the armed forces would be probably ordered to shoot the visitors on sight, no questions asked.

10. black dynamite - michael jai white, the guy who played spawn, has the same second name as my first name. didnt know that besides kicking ass, he could also do comedy. he owned this really funny blaxploitation movie.

11. grotesque - gross and painful to watch, just the way i like it. but beyond the blood, the dismembering of body parts and the cringeworthy gore, there's the message of self-sacrifice and how much you'd put yourself through for a person you like but barely know.

12. avatar - jeean and i saw this in a regular theater and it was great. im pretty sure imax would have tripled the awesomeness of james cameron's pandora. it's like eyecandy that is good for you, minus the sugar. review

and best film of 2009 according to me is... (long heavy metal drum roll please)

13. inglourious basterds - i like war movies and i worship quentin tarantino. inglourious basterds is unlike any war movie ever made. this film was first-frame-to-last badass amazing. long, talky, tension-building scenes, the hans landa character, hitler showered with bullets, everything was remarkable. which is expected of every quentin tarantino film, like his foot fetish. i didnt even try to make a review because id probably get to 10 thick paragraphs and still havent conveyed enough of my thoughts. and for any fellow quentin tarantino fans out there, i ask you: have you ever shaken his hand? i have.