jackpot

i've had my mouth shut about something ginormous in my life and it's getting pretty hard to keep my lips together so im opening the corner of my mouth just a little bit to let some air out:

i have a girlfriend. the screaming muse is real. i did not assume her nickname, pretending to be her and giving myself a tongue bath of egotistic praises. my brand spankin new true-to-life girlfriend did that and she is one fuckin amazing woman. actually, girl because she's quite young (but legal, ok?), but she would whip me with burning barbed wire til my butt's out of flesh if i consider her a child so, yeah, she is one fuckin amazing woman. she's so amazing, the people on the posters in your bedroom should have posters of her in their bedrooms. she's so amazing, i believe she can cure cancer with the wink of her eye. she's so amazing, that if anyone playing a crossword puzzle asks me, "what's a 6-letter word for the most perfect thing in the world?" i would say, "my girlfriend." and then they'd be like, "but that's 12 letters." to which i wouldn't have a reply because i'd probably be floating in the air already because the slightest thought of her gives me superfloat powers. yes.

anyways, the relationship has "complicated" scribbled all over it but i love her so much and i'd give up my kidney, the ability to type, my thingamajig that has pins which follows the contour of anything it's pressed upon and my whole porn collection under the bed just for a glimpse of her smile that angels envy.

h.o.l.l.a.n.d.