the gist: carrot-munching clive owen reluctantly helps out a pregnant damsel in distress against the gunned goons going after her. amidst the shooting, the baby is delivered and the woman is killed. and so begins a cool as crazy bulletfest between this one-man army and, well, an army led by paul giamatti, all while playing papa to the newborn and trying not to lose concentration because of the steamy monica bellucci, who plays a lactating prostitute. yes, a lactating prostitue. will our mysterious hero reach complete trigger happiness? or will he run out of rounds and luck to dodge them bullets? and will the cops arrive late at the very end of the movie like pinoy action movies? i hope not. but even if it that was the case, i could care less. this movie had me at shot-the-umbilical-cord hello.
the reaction: i have this great idea for a pinoy action movie that will break through the norm and be the impetus for the next generation of pinoy action movies because seriously, it's pretty obvious everything's been the same and gotten so lame that they've practically stopped making them now. anyways, im not gonna tell what's it about since rippers-off (damn you!) are lurking about but it has a good way of making sense out of the necessary senseless gun violence, why the hero seems to never run out of bullets, how he's able to do all those stunts, et cetera. shoot 'em up, on the other hand, keeps the hero's secret a secret. it's hinted, but we basically have no idea who the heck he is, how he can do all those cool things and why he prefers carrots as his only source of sustenance (among other uses). maybe because it's good for the eyes? hmm. anyhow, such questions need not be asked since this film is obviously self-aware from the get-go (or get-gun?). it's deliberately cheesy and over-the-top and doesn't take itself seriously at all and so you shouldn't as well. yes, there's a story thrown in there, and characters, and an ounce of philosophy too, but the bottomline is it's just meant to give you a good time from bullet number one to the last.
an exgf once said hat clive owen was the best choice to play the next james bond after pierce brosnan decided to give up the bowtie. i personally thought hugh jackman was perfect for the role, but after seeing clive owen in this movie, i still think hugh jackman should have been bond. because i believe clive owen is better at being a rough curmudgeon than a suave lothario. he made eating a vegetable look carnivorous. on the other hand, monica bellucci once again channel her inner sex goddess as the hot female lead needed for an action movie equilbrium. it's not stereotyping. that's just how monica bellucci is. she could be covered in bird shit and i'd still think she's hot. stinky but hot.
kudos to the director for not resorting to bullet-time to make things cool. i love the matrix but we've practically had more than enough bullet-time from all the action movies that used it after. here, we have none of that, just a bunch of unusual ways to shoot and kill bad guys. sometimes with the baby in two.i couldn't pick a favorite since they were all so goddarn badass but my top two would be how he kills a group of henchmen in a van with just one gun and the sex scene shootout, although the latter was a bit of a letdown since monica bellucci, who never had a problem showing her goods, kept her skirt on and we saw nary a nipple (pause button?).still, it's fucking while shooting. sex and violence in one scene alone. awesome. i do have to complain about the soundtrack though. i know that an action film requires a heavy metal scoring but i felt like the songs chosen for this one were kinda off. i liked the songs out-of-movie but i never imagined nirvana's breed or motorhead's ace of spades would be appropriate for action sequences. maybe it's just me but i just think that it didn't have the same effect that pretty handsome awkward had when barricade chases bumblebee in the transformers movie.
not everybody will enjoy this movie. if senseless violence aint your cup of tea then keep your distance and waste no time making negative reviews you've already cooked up before even seeing it. you're just being a prick. but if you love the occasional brainless fun like no-strings-attached sex and riding rollercoasters (not limited to that of course, but you get the picture im trying to paint), then leave the kids at home and jump into the fray. with outrageous gunfights, downright silly one-liners scrunched into a disposable plot, shoot 'em up is a great way to take a break from the monotony of the pretentious, the remakes, the ripoffs, and the absolute crap movies of late. bull's eye...
the good: the action sequences and monica bellucci.
the bad: soundtrack.
the ugly: just the greenscreening in the sky shootout sequence.
the verdict: 8 carrots.
skiz 'em up
No comments:
Post a Comment