SPIDER-MAN 3 by jaiskizzy

the gist: lotta stuff going on in this spiderific second sequel, true believers. things are doing peachy fine for our friendly neighborhood spidey. the people of new york that once despised him now worship our wall-crawling wonder, and his relationship with mary jane is swinging sky high and he wants to marry her. but of course, that aint gonna last in a film like this. i mean, what's a superhero movie without supervillains? enter the new goblin: harry osborn following his father's fiendish footsteps. enter sandman: (where's metallica anyway?) flint marko who takes on a life of crime to save his sick daughter and gains the power to become sand. enter venom: eddie brock, the new hostile host to the symbiote that our hero once owned (or owned our hero, i guess). peter parker's got his hands full this time, eh? will spider-man outwit, outlast, and outweb his way out of this outstandingly? will more alliterations appear again? 'nuff said. on with the review!

the reaction: i remember back in high school during a boring class drawing spider-man on a page of my notebook having six hands, the three on right clinging onto an invisible wall, the three on the left shooting web. what made this drawing stupid though is that all arms had the costume on them. that it would seem that peter parker had actually sewn up a costume accommodating all six of his arms. crazy. anyways, i don't think we'll be seeing a six-armed spidey in a movie any time soon. before, i also thought that my favorite spider-man villain, venom, wouldn't be showing up for a while, but when they announced a part three and that venom would be in it, i was so ecstatic that i would have reserved a ticket right then. i mean, seriously, folks, venom made spider-man 3 double cool and in a way he was the movie's saving grace (played by topher grace). don't get me wrong. i liked the movie. it's good and really not as bad as a lot of people say so. however, it hurts to type this, it's the least i like among the three. i have no idea what happened but sam raimi just failed to surpass his previous attempts. he merely gave us a spider-man movie. that's it. well, that is what everybody wants but of course, once you've upped the ante, you have to keep the ante up. and it doesnt necessarily mean having three villains. sure, it's a great challenge for spidey, but i honestly think that venom alone could have sufficed. they should have just left out the sandman plot entirely and gave the space to the venom.

well, okay, thomas haden church acted really well, so did the rest of them, especially tobey maguire, but i just felt like it could have worked better without him. the sandman effects weren't even that blow-away good. and they shouldn't have messed up uncle ben's death just to connect him more to peter. that's like the death of batman's parents or the explosion of planet krypton. we got it. we like it the way it is. move along. harry osborn's revenge arc was way better than that. the inclusion of gwen stacy is also well accepted since she played an integral part of peter's life issues in and out of the costume. bryce dallas howard's bubbliness cast quite a shadow over the always mediocre kirsten dunst. i'd be glad to see a different and better-looking actress play mary jane in the next sequels. i mean, come on, she's even named mary jane, for chrissakes. she's supposed to make you high.

okay, let's talk about venom again, beginning with the symbiote. i like how it just came from space with no explanation and coincidentally landing near peter and mary jane's makeshift make out motel. i like the cg on the symbiote. it looked like it was really real. i like the black costume despite not being totally black and having a white spider like in the comics. i like peter parker's emo mode. ive heard many gripes about this one, how it looked a bit goofy, what with peter pistol-fingering ladies on the street and doing a dance number a la the mask, but i completely understood what he was going through (i had recently gotten a haircut that lifted up my confidence a bit). i like eddie brock's plot. i like venom's design even though the slimy tongue was absent. i like how they used topher grace's unaltered voice when venom speaks. i just wish there was more venom. i'd have paid triple just for a longer, meaner one-on-one between spidey and venom. anyways, another thing that deserves praise about this movie are the sound effects. the punches, the metallic hits, and yeah, even sandman's sand sounds, awesome. and, of course, it would be a crime not to mention bruce campbell's hilarious cameo and the always funny j. jonah jameson. classic.

it maybe flawed and topsy-turvy, but i still loved it. the mere fact that the spider-man i used to only read in comics, draw on paper, and watch in cartoons continues to conquer cinemas causes me immense geeky happiness. i just hope that sam raimi or whoever will come on board in his place if ever does their homework on the next one. time for spider-man 4, baby!

the good: the cast (except for the dunst), the comedy, and venom.
the bad: sandman.
the ugly: two-face!
the verdict: 8 pumpkin bombs.


your friendless neighborhood spider-skiz.

tequila mockingbird

i implore you to consider my latest endeavor at poetry, conceived while on a jeepney, trying to make someone feel better with some hugging. i think it worked.

hug.

i feel
tears on my shirt
your cheek trembling.

what does my heart say?

your hair smells holy.

i see
the mole on your back
your shivering shoulder

my exit.

where's the pause button?

let's die like this.

anyways, here's my spider-man 3 review. go read it, tiger.

p.s. excuse me, but they're called rest days because one's supposed to rest on those days and not work one bit. i already gave you five for the week. let me keep the remaining two in peace. darn you.
p.p.s. i recently had a haircut. people say i look like im still a virgin.

ouch potato

yes, sir/ma'am. that right there is a pair of gateway globe platinum cinema tickets to the spectaculicious spider-man 3 movie showing on may 1. that's labor day to many, but to me, that's venom day. about time for that villain to do some arachno-ass kicking. again, ive passed on the chance to watch it in sm mall of asia's imax theater. too many people in there. and i aint gonna allow some noisy little brats ruin the experience. call it crazy, say it's too much, i don't give a noodle. it's spider-man. my favorite comic book character ever. it has to be perfect. there's just absolutely no other way to watch it. lazy boy seats. unlimited popcorn and drinks. superb technology. great atmosphere. and a companion who understands all of this. once more, it's spider-man 3, true believers. i demand nothing less.

i've typed quite a paragraph about the following topic but it sounded more perverse than i intended so i scrapped it and decided to just say my side of things in one sentence: girls, the butt cleavage ain't sexy.

sorry but that's it for today. i gotta go. see you around. (and i meant it)

p.s. for anyone who ever wondered what the previous post's title oobu joobu meant, it's the name of a radio show that paul mccartney created years ago. i picked it up during online research at work and it just kept repeating in my head afterwards. oobu joobu. oobu joobu. oobu joobu. i have no idea what it means.
p.p.s. hello, patty-cake! it was nice seeing you and talking to you.

oobu joobu

fellow countrymen, in the spirit of nationalism during this upcoming election period, i shall be talking about politics.

not! fuck that crap.

so... anyways, just when i thought that my life's gonna flatline soon, someone special came in and defibbed me. come to think of it, last year, when i first met jarjar (her name's jarvik, but she's jarjar binks to me), doing some freelance editing for arkeo, with her she as my p.a., she also lit up that dull job. i barely talked to anyone there then, but when she appeared, she got me to speak up. it's all her, by the way. that's just the way she is. she's the angel of friendship. and then i bumped into her again on my way to watch 300 about a month ago. soon enough, i got her to spend a lil time with me and catch a movie last sunday. it was a week of hell for me, that climaxed with a mirror-punching event on saturday, but when sunday arrived, jarjar smoothed everything out. we went to greenbelt and i wanted her to see 300, but she wanted one that we both haven't seen so we settled on happily never after. if i had watched that cgi flick by myself then, it would probably be the first movie i ever walked out of. it's not that bad, just not good enough. there were some funny parts though. however, in the presence of the ever-cheerful girl, i kinda felt like my problems left me for a while and allowed me to just enjoy her company. so the movie was hilarious, and i laughed at even the corny parts (although at one point, she pointed out something funny that i didn't laugh at). so, anyway, it was a great way to end a sour week thanky plenty to dear jarvik, who, as an exact opposite of me, always smiled and never shut up. may the fates bequeath me more moments with her.

ok. wait. hang on a bit. i gotta watch a south park episode, the season 2 finale of prison break, and this movie is not yet rated...

here come talkbacks:

katia: thanks. had to find a shoutbox that didn't have popups that carried viruses and stumbled upon this neato one. thanks for visiting!

jarvik: i miss you.

michi: you were right, michi. i did pull through! thanks, angel tongue! and may all your weekends and weekdays be awesome as well. take care.

cheska: misa!!! do you look like her or is it just a fantasy thing? anyways, great movie huh? i know where they're selling death note notebooks! im not telling! wehe.

renz/renzy_benzy/charlie wonka jr: i will. always a pleasure to provide free advertisement services to fellow bloggers. thanks for the hop, dude.

red_pl8: pms-ing?! well, anyways, the storm has passed and ive found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. there is a leprechaun claiming ownership of it though (how do i come up with these analogies?). keep an eye out for grindhouse, red.

patty: please swear that you'll never hurt yourself again. ive been there many, many times and nothing good comes out of it. it's understandable to want it, or even need it, but it is foolish to succumb to it. stay cool, dude. thanks for dropping by as well.

and there it goes. one more blog post to sit here for a long while, until i find time to do the next one. as always...

the gospel according to skizzy. praise be to einstein.

p.s. seems like tragedy surrounds me. blue's mom just died last week. she's been suffering a lot the past few months, she had water in her lungs, and so in a way, her passing was for the best. i actually envy her for she has escaped this cruel world. condolences to blue and his family. and then there's ebib (another gma friend) who had an ectopic pregnancy. as a complete moron with this stuff, i cant explain what exactly happened. but she should have had twins. it was a choice between her or the babies. condolences to ebib and linus.
p.p.s. i mean, really, why do bad things happen to good people?

300 by jaiskizzy

the gist: the gay-looking god-king xerxes is bent on conquering greece. but no blood will be shed if the cities simply surrender. unfortunately, that very word does not exist in the vociferous vocabulary of leonidas, king of sparta. and so, against the pink-nippled oracle's warning, king leonidas gathers 300 of his best warriors and takes camp at a mountain pass where they face off with the hundred-thousand persian army (but not until after he'd have pre-war sex with his hot, hot wife). obviously outnumbered, the 300, under king leonidas' loud lead, stand their ground, bloody battle after bloody battle, all the while with no body armor whatsoever, relying only on their skill, spears, swords, shield and six-packs... correction, make that eight-pack abs. will this movie defy math and prove that 300 is greater than thousand? who gives a chimera's ass? fight!!!

the reaction: the first ps2 video game that i bought and played on my unit is god of war. it's about the badass spartan warrior kratos and his blood-ridden quest of revenge against ares. im now in the middle of god of war 2, stuck in a certain part due to a gitch. anyways, god of war would make an awesome ass-kickin action movie (they're actually in pre-production now), but until then, 300's your uncle. if you like plot-driven films with intricate storylines and heavy moral lessons, unforgettable moments of emotionally arousing drama, and familiar characters you could connect with and will forever hold dear in your hearts, then back up, mushypants, this movie is not for you!!! i've been hearing quite a slew of negativity regarding 300, mainly on the fact that they did not get what expected. do you know what were they expecting? something like troy. in fact, they even go as much as saying troy was better. holy shitballs! isn't it obvious that zack snyder and the gang never intended to make it look like troy or any other greek-based movies that preceded it. and i can't understand why they can't get around the idea that this was based on frank miller's graphic novel, noting how the movie didn't try to be something else, and that a movie is a movie and a comic book's a comic book. folks, when frank miller made the 300 graphic novel, he didn't see it as a comic book in his mind. he saw the scenes playing out and simply took the "frames" that delivered what he wanted and put it into paper. what zack snyder did was syphon those very scenes from frank miller's brain and gave us this movie. that's called respect for the material. 300 the movie is the 300 graphic novel brought to life.

the point of that last sentence is immediately apparent on the film's overall look. it's colored to match the graphic novel. that's why it's mostly sepia-ish and grainy, and why red (capes and blood) stands out. i like the red capes by the way. they sort of look like an army of supermen. anyways, it should be stressed that this movie was made to look cool, to entertain, and even though it is based on real events, it was made unreal in purpose. because, again, you are "watching" a comic book. which is brimming with arrogance. but it aint just plain air. the brags that leonidas roars out of his hairy mouth are never empty promises. to put it simply, leonidas walks the talk. and when he does that pre-attack pep talk to his men (with accompanying look back shot), it's encouraging, you feel like you just can't let the dude down. and the good choice of scoring it with some heavy metal music just puts you more into a beat-the-living-shit-out-of-your-enemies mood. wave after wave of various opponents, the spartans proved their mettle replete with in-your-face stabbings, limb-slicings, and beheadings, (as opposed to the usual fast cuts cheat crap we've been seeing in recent action films), all in spectacular video game-like fashion. heck, there's even a nice boss battle throw in. there's this one cool sequence involving a rhino which just shows how fearless these guys are. and of course, i must mention the cool slow-mo, fast-mo sex scene between leonidas and gorgo which is unlike any film fucking you've ever seen. even upto now, i can't get it out of my head.

i found myself shouting "prepare for glory" and "tonight we dine in hell" several times for a few days after watching this. it just sticks to you. i am proud to be a man, thanks to the eyegasm that is 300. a true fanboy flick that no doubt will become a cult classic.

the good: the visuals, the fights, the arrogance.
the bad: not enough female nudity to counterbalance the male nudity which one reviewer referred to as "dude-ity".
the ugly: a tie between the lucky ephor dude who licked the oracle, and xerxes.
the verdict: 10 red capes.


skizzius maximus

boulevard of broken screams

last week i hit rock bottom. been a long time since ive become so depressed like that. the difference though is that this time around, i was mature enough to prevent myself from hurting... uh, myself. all i wanted was to be alone. i just felt like i didn't belong, that i was invisible, irrelevant. i read a quote somewhere that went like, lonely is the person who is no one's number 1, and i felt that that was me. that nobody ever goes to the mall, unintentionally sees something on display and thinks i might like it. that if i'm not present in a gathering, nobody notices i'm not there. that when it comes to choosing between me and someone else, i'm the disposable one. pay particular attention to that last one, me being the one who is easy to let go. i asked why and i was told that it's because i would understand. because im the good guy, the nice one, the one who would understand. god damn that. so i thought, maybe i should try being bad, a jerk, a complete asshole. will i get the respect i want? nope, because they then would say, that's not who i am. that i'm acting out of character. (i just realized im not making any sense and have no idea where im going with this so fuck this crap. im sure you've had enough of that so let's get on with the talkbacks. as always, thanks for coming here and typing some.)

bloodboard:

reyna juana: you may drop by anytime you please, your highness. got a princess that needs a prince harming?

jarvik: hey, it was a delight to bump into you again. me? im not doing as well as i wish i was. think you can help me fix me?

katia: here you go, dear katia. an update. how have you been?

comments:

cheska: no love or life to enjoy. it's all bummer for now. thanks for that nice comment though.

guile: and you're welcome to lounge around anytime.

red_pl8: you are too nice. i owe you a pizza. and yeah, ive always been the live by the day kind of guy. it's just that im going through some internal war and no one's helping.

i feel like im going to be sick. weak calves, heavy chest, temporary loss of balance. yep, my tell-tale signs that a fever's on the way. not unless my antibodies fight it off again. please, take a day off, guys, and let me get sick. and i mean really, really sick that i'd have to stay in the hospital for a week. taken care of by a hot nurse. darn, i don't want to go to work tomorrow. i wanna stay at home and play guitar hero on my ps2. anyways, cooked up a couple of movie reviews if you care reading them: one has mutation (the host), the other has decapitation (300). okie doke, that's it for today, dudes. always be excellent to each other.

the gospel according to jaiskizzy. praise be to tarantino.

p.s. the seemingly unrelated picture above is of misa from death note, played by the phenomenal erika toda. be mine, real-life anime girl.

THE HOST by jaiskizzy

the gist: toxic chemicals + han river = malevolent mutant monster! it's a fine sunny day in seoul and a bunch of people are happily speding the rest of their ordinary lives on the banks of the han river. probably disgusted by this humdrum moment, a humongous mutated tadpole shows up to stir things up a bit. after trashing the place and scaring the bejeezus out of the koreans, it leaves as fast as it came, taking a little girl with it. the girl's grandpa, dad, uncle and aunt then goes on a mission to rescue her from the icky clutches of the amphibian beast. will they be able to find her? will the monster be stopped? will smith? (no, he's not in the movie)

the reaction: allow me to dig up yet another childhood memory that somewhat relates to this review. i remember when i was a kid, i watched a pinoy horror movie about a giant crocodile in a rural setting. i cant recall anything else about it but im pretty sure it was crap. end of childhood memory. anyways, when i first heard of the host last year, i thought it was about a game show where contestants are killed by the main mic guy. but it wasn't (but wouldn't that have been a cool horror fick too, eh?) so, why is this entitled the host? well, apparently, the beast also carries a virus and anyone who comes in contact with it and survives will carry it as well and eventually pass it on and cause an epidemic. this subplot is well weaved into the main storyline, which is of course about the monster. no, wait, this movie is actually about family, and the monster is an extra. really. it's good since it's a take off from the usual monster movies where we're teased by glimpses of the monster for three quarters of the film. of course, this trick works because then we go down on our knees when the monster is revealed in its entirety, but joon-ho bong decided to go the other way. the mutant tadpole appears very early in broad daylight and we see it in full, with no gimmicks, just as it probably would happen in real life. another great feature is how the monster never really gets all the attention. like i said, this is more of a family movie and the monster merely part of the supporting cast. an example of this is when the little girl is snatched. the girl is in the foreground, the monster is in the back. focus on the girl, blur on the monster as it gallops towards her. but, no, it veers and goes off screen, and as if just an afterthought, it takes the girl with its tail and pulls her off screen. whoa.

awesome, awesome acting by the dumb father with the colored-hair and little girl. our actors just dont have the juice that these korean actors have. ive seen a number of korean flicks and man, they're just remarkable. they don't just act role, they become it. even that little boy that the girl meets in the beast's lair was freakin amazing, especially in the scene where he peed his pants. i have many favorite scenes, one is that tracking shot where the dad is in the foreground running, chasing after the monster in the background. i also liked the office building sequence with the drunkard uncle. and the scenes in the quarantine camp. fuck, who am i kidding? i like everything! and that giant tadpole thing. amazing. you'd almost believe it wasn't cgi. and it's not just the monster itself, but how it interacts with the real world. if you've ever seen anything pinoy-made that had something cgi jump into the water, you'd see how fake the splash is. none of that here, folks. simply seamless special effects. and the ending, although a little bit farfectched, is pure genius. id ruin it if i told you how it went, but i'll give a hint: big sister losing the archery competition. oh and by the way, this movie is partly a comedy, too.

a must-see mutant monster movie most likely you'd like like i did. i just wish that hollywood sees this as a challenge to come up with a better one, and not push through with the planned remake. out of ideas, guys? well, you should ring me up 'cause ive got plenty.

the good: the movie.
the bad: the idea of a remake.
the ugly: that giant mutant tadpole monster thing.
the verdict: 10 molotov cocktails.

bloodzilla.

p.s. in the 1st asian film awards, the host bagged four: best actor, best cinematography, best special effects, and (no surprise here) best film. bravo!