bravo, brainless bastards.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
yeesh
four new movie reviews are up. too lazy to post anything right now. but i would just like to congratulate gma 7 for doing a great rip-off job again. saw the teaser for the captain barbell series and noticed the obvious resemblance to the superman fan made poster that got out way back. i know that captain barbell is the pinoy version of superman and similarities will definitely surface but cant they come up with something entirely different? well, with such brains brimming with ideas, the answer's pretty easy. no, they can't. superman returns june 28.
bravo, brainless bastards.
bravo, brainless bastards.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
PULSE by jaiskizzy
Way back in dial-up internet days of japan, there was this obscure horror film entitled pulse. good thing I found a copy. The last few horror films I saw didn’t frighten me at all and Ive really missed that feeling for so long, so thanks to pulse for brining back the fear in me. The self-dialing internet, the weird internet feed, the slow moving shadow thingy, the red taped doors, the wallprints, golly good stuff. But the one thing that was burned into my brain that I’ll never forget the awe I had upon seeing it was the no-cut scene where a woman jumps off a very high industrial building and lands smack on the ground below. Coolness.
The story is complex, and told in an even complexer way, which is great considering most Japanese movies are presented in the same approach, with scenes that seem kinda detached from the flow of the story. Ive gotten used to it so much that I expect it beforehand. An example would be the scene where the computer lab chick and the loser dude go into a train station, ride the empty train, and then go back to where they’ve been. The suicide is also an example of the “detached” scene. No Hollywood or pinoy film has employed this style and made it work. One more thing that separates this movie from the mainstream ones: the lack of screaming. I know, a good scare needs a good scream, but not always, and besides, the blaring blonde bimbo can get annoying sometimes. This movies does away with that cliché and does no harm to the fright factor
Pulse is just one more evidence of the uniqueness of Japanese films. Remakes have been made but they could never really capture the odd visuals and unorthodox storytelling. In a way I think that all Japanese filmmakers had some sort of agreement that all their movies would be done in this manner, no matter how different their movies are, there’ll be this very noticeable “essence” only Japanese films would exude. Good job, guys!
The good: the scared feeling it gave me and the red tape idea.
The bad: no sudden frights, but it’s ok, I guess.
The ugly: the black ghost dude talking about death near the end of the film.
The verdict: 8 white dots.
the skiz.
The story is complex, and told in an even complexer way, which is great considering most Japanese movies are presented in the same approach, with scenes that seem kinda detached from the flow of the story. Ive gotten used to it so much that I expect it beforehand. An example would be the scene where the computer lab chick and the loser dude go into a train station, ride the empty train, and then go back to where they’ve been. The suicide is also an example of the “detached” scene. No Hollywood or pinoy film has employed this style and made it work. One more thing that separates this movie from the mainstream ones: the lack of screaming. I know, a good scare needs a good scream, but not always, and besides, the blaring blonde bimbo can get annoying sometimes. This movies does away with that cliché and does no harm to the fright factor
Pulse is just one more evidence of the uniqueness of Japanese films. Remakes have been made but they could never really capture the odd visuals and unorthodox storytelling. In a way I think that all Japanese filmmakers had some sort of agreement that all their movies would be done in this manner, no matter how different their movies are, there’ll be this very noticeable “essence” only Japanese films would exude. Good job, guys!
The good: the scared feeling it gave me and the red tape idea.
The bad: no sudden frights, but it’s ok, I guess.
The ugly: the black ghost dude talking about death near the end of the film.
The verdict: 8 white dots.
the skiz.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION by jaiskizzy
the she-devil who opened her legs and showed the whole world the thing in between them in basic instinct 1: no subtitle is back for more mind games, murder and of course hot humping action! This time around, she’s making her shrink’s life a living hell as people get murdered around him like ducks in hunting season. Whodunit? Whocares?
ah yes. basic instinct. the matrix of r-rated movies. the one that our parents didn’t want us to see back then. but we were able to anyways, and so here we are with this sequel of sorts, expecting the same steam. But nah-uh, Sharon stone disappointed me. first of all, the trailer was misleading. I could clearly remember seeing a scene there that involved one lucky sonomabitch double-teamed by two women. a ménage-a-trois. a threesome. i wanted to see its entirety. but satan knows where it went, it is nowhere to be watched and enjoyed perversely in this film. That and probably a hundred other sex scenes that were omitted in the final cut. Darn. Really, it’s basic instinct dude, why else would I watch it?! Okay, there were a couple of screwings but nothing special went on. plus, they featured the old and wrinkling Sharon stone, and a nobody not worth googling for. Not happy. So the movie basically (hehe) fails to deliver what it is notorious for, and the rest just falters with it.
the dialogue was kinda good though, especially the conversations that went on between Sharon stone and the psychiatrist dude, credit will mostly go to the fine acting from both of them. Ms. Stone was mind-fuck mistress all throughout, talking to her in real life would probably have resulted in me slapping her face or my monkey. The old wrinkling lady’s still got it, I guess. The psychiatrist dude was very very… um, psychiatristic, in a slight qui-gon jinn kinda way. But I think the movie would have worked better if Sharon stone was in a lesser role and some new sexy girl was cast in the lead, with sex scenes in 75% of the movie. Make the new lead Jessica Alba and I’d pay triple.
another case of sequel failing to at least equal its predecessor. Basic instinct 1 had fucking right from the opening credits. This one had fingering in a car running at high speed. I don’t know why they made a sequel to a classic and not try to come up with something to make it as memorable as the first. pussies.
the good: the acting.
the bad: too tame, too lame. What a shame.
the ugly: Sharon stone compared to herself in the first one.
the score: 4 big ben lighters.
the skiz.
ah yes. basic instinct. the matrix of r-rated movies. the one that our parents didn’t want us to see back then. but we were able to anyways, and so here we are with this sequel of sorts, expecting the same steam. But nah-uh, Sharon stone disappointed me. first of all, the trailer was misleading. I could clearly remember seeing a scene there that involved one lucky sonomabitch double-teamed by two women. a ménage-a-trois. a threesome. i wanted to see its entirety. but satan knows where it went, it is nowhere to be watched and enjoyed perversely in this film. That and probably a hundred other sex scenes that were omitted in the final cut. Darn. Really, it’s basic instinct dude, why else would I watch it?! Okay, there were a couple of screwings but nothing special went on. plus, they featured the old and wrinkling Sharon stone, and a nobody not worth googling for. Not happy. So the movie basically (hehe) fails to deliver what it is notorious for, and the rest just falters with it.
the dialogue was kinda good though, especially the conversations that went on between Sharon stone and the psychiatrist dude, credit will mostly go to the fine acting from both of them. Ms. Stone was mind-fuck mistress all throughout, talking to her in real life would probably have resulted in me slapping her face or my monkey. The old wrinkling lady’s still got it, I guess. The psychiatrist dude was very very… um, psychiatristic, in a slight qui-gon jinn kinda way. But I think the movie would have worked better if Sharon stone was in a lesser role and some new sexy girl was cast in the lead, with sex scenes in 75% of the movie. Make the new lead Jessica Alba and I’d pay triple.
another case of sequel failing to at least equal its predecessor. Basic instinct 1 had fucking right from the opening credits. This one had fingering in a car running at high speed. I don’t know why they made a sequel to a classic and not try to come up with something to make it as memorable as the first. pussies.
the good: the acting.
the bad: too tame, too lame. What a shame.
the ugly: Sharon stone compared to herself in the first one.
the score: 4 big ben lighters.
the skiz.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
moments of hate
there's a pretty fine discussion over at a film-oriented yahoogroup im in regarding gma's new love flick "moments of love" and how it obviously stole the concept from other films like frequency and il mare. it's a good thing to know that there exist beings who share your sentiments seriously. ive dissed this film from the very moment that i laid eyes on the trailer that a co-worker (soon, former) of mine was tasked to edit. this movie is a total ripoff. but hell, im not surprised that the supposedly "revived" philippine film industry would come up with this. they have puked out so many ripoffs over the years and people actually watched them that they think they can get away with it all the time. which is an admittance of their empty-headedness (the director, i presume, of moments of love joined the yahoogroup discussion but didnt have the balls to defend himself. he just plainly said something that went "support philippines cinema for the love of storytelling" probably because he knew he was on the losing end). i mean, they could have just said that it was inspired by this film or a homage to that film. how hard can that be? and then the other day i read a newspaper article that went like "in gma's tradition of producing original quality films". original my ass. this has got to stop. blow me if i know how, but really, this has got to stop. screw you, idiots!
Monday, March 27, 2006
THE HILLS HAVE EYES by jaiskizzy
a family goes on a road trip, choosing the hot california desert over a nice cozy plane flight. they soon learn their big mistake as the car's tires are spiked flat, leaving them stranded in the capital of nowhere. but that is the least of their worries for the area used to be a bomb test site and they have caught the attention of its mutant inhabitants (not the x-men). it's the carters versus the toxic avenger's relatives! place yeerrr bets!
this remake of an old wes craven fright flick was handled by a dude named alexandre aja who made the great gory film haute tension. mr. aja did pretty well with both films, dishing out more than the usual serving of gore and brutality in mainstream horror. in the hills have eyes, there are finger chopping, broken baseball bat stabbing, and an axe to the head, all that in one sequence only. there's also a nice nasty no-blood scene where a mutant dude sucks a woman's titties while aiming a revolver at her baby. and that is after he rapes her younger sister. and thank you to the dog for doing its part in the battle against mutated murderous monsters. a little thumbs up to the cast for putting a good show with such realism, especially the ones that survived, i think i would have done the same thing given the circumstances. that dude with the glasses and facial hair is one tough mother-effer. bastard won’t stay down.
however, this movie lacks one really important horror movie requirement: the scares. there are literally zero scares. no jumping off the seat or quickening of the heartbeat for me. i liked the movie but for me to enjoy it entirely there should be at least something that would give me goosebumps or make me afraid to sleep alone. i guess mr. aja forgot to include that ingredient. anyways, i liked the way how the simple wrong-place-wrong-time scenario branches off into two perspectives: getting the baby back and defending the base, both still about dealing with the vile creatures, cliffhanging you with alternating scenes. the p.o.v. shots were kinda cool as well, the one where a dog leads the baby's father into the tunnel seemed exactly the way it would look in real life, as if actually looking through the actors eyes and not a camera lens.
a decent horror flick not afraid to be ruthlessly gory the way the others aren't. and stress on the decent. another essential horror movie aspect missing from this one: t&a. the hot chick sunbathing in a blue bikini top aint enough.
the good: the gore factor.
the bad: the absence of good old scares and sex and nudity. oh come on!
the ugly: the nuclear fallout freak family. i am a heartthrob after all.
the score: 7 severed arms.
the skiz.
this remake of an old wes craven fright flick was handled by a dude named alexandre aja who made the great gory film haute tension. mr. aja did pretty well with both films, dishing out more than the usual serving of gore and brutality in mainstream horror. in the hills have eyes, there are finger chopping, broken baseball bat stabbing, and an axe to the head, all that in one sequence only. there's also a nice nasty no-blood scene where a mutant dude sucks a woman's titties while aiming a revolver at her baby. and that is after he rapes her younger sister. and thank you to the dog for doing its part in the battle against mutated murderous monsters. a little thumbs up to the cast for putting a good show with such realism, especially the ones that survived, i think i would have done the same thing given the circumstances. that dude with the glasses and facial hair is one tough mother-effer. bastard won’t stay down.
however, this movie lacks one really important horror movie requirement: the scares. there are literally zero scares. no jumping off the seat or quickening of the heartbeat for me. i liked the movie but for me to enjoy it entirely there should be at least something that would give me goosebumps or make me afraid to sleep alone. i guess mr. aja forgot to include that ingredient. anyways, i liked the way how the simple wrong-place-wrong-time scenario branches off into two perspectives: getting the baby back and defending the base, both still about dealing with the vile creatures, cliffhanging you with alternating scenes. the p.o.v. shots were kinda cool as well, the one where a dog leads the baby's father into the tunnel seemed exactly the way it would look in real life, as if actually looking through the actors eyes and not a camera lens.
a decent horror flick not afraid to be ruthlessly gory the way the others aren't. and stress on the decent. another essential horror movie aspect missing from this one: t&a. the hot chick sunbathing in a blue bikini top aint enough.
the good: the gore factor.
the bad: the absence of good old scares and sex and nudity. oh come on!
the ugly: the nuclear fallout freak family. i am a heartthrob after all.
the score: 7 severed arms.
the skiz.
dirty finger nun
what a spectacle that had been. jeepney, two nuns in full white habits, one of them cupping her chin with her left hand but with the middle finger extended, apparently oblivious of the gesture and its meaning. truly a splendid sight to see, one only jerks like me would enjoy as much. i dont know but i think i have a special eye for things like that. but unfortunately, my cellphone battery was empty hence i wasnt able to take a picture (it was dead hours before i rode that jeepney and i actually took it out of my pocket to take a shot, forgetting its uselessness). i could google one but it just wouldnt compare to the real-life actual image. dirty finger nun... sounds like a bad western film, eh?
for the two-hundred sixty-four millionth time, sorry for failing to update this blog frequently. ive still got a lot of wrinkles to iron out. for instance, layla and i moved out of our rat-infested apartment in guadalupe and took residence at a new cleaner headquarters in somewhere jp rizal. it's a good find (thanks to her daddy-o). we have yet to transfer all of our stuff out of the old place and into the new one.
i will end this one with a freakin cool character poster for the upcoming da vinci code movie, silas being dark-side-anakin-sykwalker-ish. although i am the only one in the whole world who hasnt read the book, im still looking forward to watching the film. not interested in buying the book anytime soon but i sorta kinda wanna give it a flipping. anyone wanna lend me a copy? takey carey, everybodey!
for the two-hundred sixty-four millionth time, sorry for failing to update this blog frequently. ive still got a lot of wrinkles to iron out. for instance, layla and i moved out of our rat-infested apartment in guadalupe and took residence at a new cleaner headquarters in somewhere jp rizal. it's a good find (thanks to her daddy-o). we have yet to transfer all of our stuff out of the old place and into the new one.
i will end this one with a freakin cool character poster for the upcoming da vinci code movie, silas being dark-side-anakin-sykwalker-ish. although i am the only one in the whole world who hasnt read the book, im still looking forward to watching the film. not interested in buying the book anytime soon but i sorta kinda wanna give it a flipping. anyone wanna lend me a copy? takey carey, everybodey!
Monday, March 20, 2006
STAY ALIVE by jaiskizzy
Beta testing an unreleased video game entitled “stay alive”, some dude and his friends die in the same manner their characters died in the game. As a tribute (what?!) his other friends decide to play the game as well and soon enough they too get killed the way they get killed in the game thanks to the blood-bathing bitch countess Elizabeth bathory!
This movie is a case of good premise, bad execution. I mean really, if you play the game and you in the game, you’ll die for real. How can you possibly fck up a cool concept like that? Apparently someone can and did. First mistake was the poorly written screenplay. Every scene was just badly laid out. The dialogue was flat. Plot holes everywhere. When the dead bodies were turning up, the police were like all over the gamers. Then they’re just completely out of the picture. Also, agent cody banks’ unexplained resurrection. And then there is the senseless back story of the lead. Mistake number two was the bad actors. Not the worst ive seen but seriously, it is obvious that they chose to cast unknowns to fit their tight budget but come on, man, at least get some good people. The last mistake would be the pg-13 rating. Why make a movie and call it a horror movie if it doesn’t have anything scary in it, no blood, no gore, no sex and nudity? And to think the video game in the movie is a horror game. Sheesh. Maybe they should have made the movie about text twist instead.
Now, allow me to point out a couple of good things about this flawed flick. The game controller buzz as a scare effect. That was a nice touch. But they should have used more and properly. I also liked the game itself. They should have made a game like that for real. I’d play it. The movie should have made an impression on viewers that if there really was a game called “stay alive” they wouldn’t play it for fear of actually dying (I guess this wont work on me even if they did manage to give off that effect, Im the kind of person who wants a chucky doll and would be happy to sleep with it). Sadly the only impression it made was that it was not impressive at all.
Oh god how I miss the really good scary movies…
the good: the premise. the game.
the bad: the movie.
the ugly: my face realizing the time and money I wasted.
the score: 3 vibrating game controllers.
the skiz.
This movie is a case of good premise, bad execution. I mean really, if you play the game and you in the game, you’ll die for real. How can you possibly fck up a cool concept like that? Apparently someone can and did. First mistake was the poorly written screenplay. Every scene was just badly laid out. The dialogue was flat. Plot holes everywhere. When the dead bodies were turning up, the police were like all over the gamers. Then they’re just completely out of the picture. Also, agent cody banks’ unexplained resurrection. And then there is the senseless back story of the lead. Mistake number two was the bad actors. Not the worst ive seen but seriously, it is obvious that they chose to cast unknowns to fit their tight budget but come on, man, at least get some good people. The last mistake would be the pg-13 rating. Why make a movie and call it a horror movie if it doesn’t have anything scary in it, no blood, no gore, no sex and nudity? And to think the video game in the movie is a horror game. Sheesh. Maybe they should have made the movie about text twist instead.
Now, allow me to point out a couple of good things about this flawed flick. The game controller buzz as a scare effect. That was a nice touch. But they should have used more and properly. I also liked the game itself. They should have made a game like that for real. I’d play it. The movie should have made an impression on viewers that if there really was a game called “stay alive” they wouldn’t play it for fear of actually dying (I guess this wont work on me even if they did manage to give off that effect, Im the kind of person who wants a chucky doll and would be happy to sleep with it). Sadly the only impression it made was that it was not impressive at all.
Oh god how I miss the really good scary movies…
the good: the premise. the game.
the bad: the movie.
the ugly: my face realizing the time and money I wasted.
the score: 3 vibrating game controllers.
the skiz.
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