MADAGASCAR 2: ESCAPE TO AFRICA by jeeanfoxy

it was a battle between James Bond and Alex the Lion. the latter won and the decision was made. it was madagascar day today.

oh boy, do i regret it.

my ass was practically bouncing up and down my chair when ferb called to say we were going to watch madagascar 2. well i saw the movie trailer a week ago i swore to myself that i will watch this movie as soon as i get the chance. ferb knew how much i wanted to see it so he invited me to a movie date on the first day of screening (today, 11-7-08). he meant well, but the movie itself disappointed me.

it disappointed me.

the movie takes place immediately after the ending of the previous installment so you can expect that the beginning was rushed and the rest of it dragged. the comedy was cliche and the usual slapstick antics brought in the yawns. there were too many dull moments and in every one, all i could think of was "where are the penguins? penguins! more penguins, goshdarnit!" sadly, it was only the penguins that kept me awake.

has it ever happened to you that while watching a movie, you can easily point out where the story shifts chapters? like for example, it's happy singing dancing lollygagging time, and the next thing you know, the characters are fighting and suddenly turn emo. well you can find many scenes like that in this one. it's like manic-depressive chaos.

or maybe i just expected too much out of it?

i might be ranting too much about an animated movie supposedly made to satisfy the expectations of children, but it's a FAMILY MOVIE, and family movies are supposed to hit the mark for adults as well. madagascar 2 didn't do much for me.

here's another thing that bothered me: the Lion King flashbacks. i had them while watching this. there were too many details close to the lion king that only a kid who watched the original lion king movies would understand. maybe the creators were too lazy to make up a more interesting and original storyline took inspiration from that, perhaps?

madagascar 2's animated animals sure know how to move it. they had their chance in the first one and now in the second one. they're just made to be party-happy i guess, so be it. but then here's madagascar 3 in the works right now and i don't think another serving of dancing lemurs and bipolar animals would be necessary. could someone in the creative team take that story board to the atlantic ocean and let it float away to africa? thank you.

oh my God. the movie is so bad i forgot about the weight of moral fiber.

i've lost my faith in alex, gloria, melman, marty, the annoying lemurs, and even my beloved flightless penguins. they gotta prove me wrong in 2011.

THOUGHT:
a star studded cast doesn't always mean it's a good movie, especially if things aren't executed right.

xoxo
JEEAN

TETSUO by angel

". . . I enjoy being raped by the machine but at the same time I want to destroy the things that are invading me, the human being."

——Shinya Tsukamoto

Completely insane, unpleasant, visually stimulating oddities and bizarre as hell - TETSUO is a high speed surreal chase that Shinya Tsukamoto pulls off Hollywood mediocrity, he created a film that's both accessible and also capable of showing you things you've never seen before.

The movie begins in an abandoned factory where the metal fetishist is hit by a car driven by a businessman with his girlfriend then dumped the victim into the woods then escaped. The next day starts the telepathic bond between them and the radical grotesque body transformation into a pile of metal junk. Watch out for the disturbing yet funny "erotic" scenes though, it is hard to watch depending on how dark your humor is but still, I’m inclined to laugh don't ask why :P

My only complaints would be Tsukamoto's complete lack in-depth characterization and confusing plot that went on unfortunate directions that makes me scratch me empty head, but in the end, it's primarily a brain teaser, obtuse and makes you squirm.

11/11

last night...

• a woman in her late 30s who had sworn to keep her virginity intact until she was married to the right man was mugged and raped by three men in a dark alley
• an overseas worker secretly came home to surprise his family only to find out that his wife had been cheating on him
• a bum, that had spent hours in several garbage dumps to find food, lost his dinner to a bunch of stray dogs
• a car veered off the road and fell off a cliff, killing all of its passengers, a family of four that had bought it a week ago
• a high school girl who had just broken up with her older, womanizing boyfriend of two weeks saw that her pregnancy test was positive
• a kitten that could not follow when its mother left because it had a broken leg drowned in the flood
• a child with brain cancer who had spent half her life in the hospital, died in her sleep hugging her teddy bear

if any of these did happen last night, then i am sorry because...

last night was the greatest happiest awesomest bestest best night of my entire life!

recipe for a great day

sugarplum pumpkin sweetie pie
+ cupcakes, gumdrops and snoogum-boogums (whatever they are)

main ingredients:

a pair of new shoes











clover chips










1 liter coke













uno stacko













a bunch of mp3s










1,000 tablespoons of bodily fluids













procedure:

lay old shirt on bed to prevent mess

wear each other's pants

tickle regularly

brush spine with beard

try not to sleep but sleep anyway and surrender body to kisses

turn a love song into a song about fast food

let the blissful feeling simmer while locked in an embrace

number of servings: 2
nutritional value: good for the heart and brain
best served with love

MIRRORS by jaiskizzy

gist: jack bauer has retired and, because of wifey issues, is now living with his sister, the chick who had public sex with the transporter guy in crank. with nothing else better to do, he takes on a job as a nightwatchman for an old mall that burned down years ago. of course, this being a horror movie entitled mirrors, the whole establishment is fried and crispy except for, wait for it... the mirrors. and so begins the monstrous mirrory murders. or murderous mirrory monstrosities. cue the christina aguilera song from mulan.

reaction: i couldnt pick which of the two intros i had in mind to use for this review (the one about not spending more than 2 seconds in front of a mirror per day or my friends and i talking over beer about how it would be creepy if you were brushing your teeth in front of the mirror, you bowed down to spit and look up only to see that your reflection is still bowed down). so, i guess i'll just get on with it. despite the rather predictable ending, i really liked alexandre aja's haute tension. i was sold on the "blowjob" scene. anyways, here he is again feeding my hunger for gore with mirrors. although few and far in between, the meaty parts are just as bloody fucked up as i want them to be. no cutaways, no inadequate lighting, no coverups, as usually employed by pussy directors. movies like this are the triple x of horror, you see the whole thing close and clear.

sadly, the positives end there. it had me going with the opening scene and kept me engaged with the sight of blood, but there wasn't much else going on. kiefer sutherland's involvement made no difference. it could have been anyone in the role. very bland. after a long time doing 24, you'd expect that on his return to movies he would at least own the darn role. especially since he's surrounded by unknowns (except for amy smart. she was ok). there's the actress who played his wife who is not only not pretty enough but had the acting skills of a cardboard. the kids must have been her real-life kids because they seem to have inherited that from her. i also did not like the boy-who-cried-wolf angle. cant there be a movie where the supporting characters heed the protagonist's warnings the very first time, no matter how farfetched they are? or, they dont believe at first, but when undeniable proof comes along (usually someone dies), the protagonist gets to kick the face of everyone who didnt believe?

anyways, one other thing this movie shouldn't have had were the false scares. i still dream of the day when horror movies become truly scary again and do not resort to the false scares. the entity behind all the ill-doings should ought to be the one making me jump off my seat and not a cat in the closet, a dog, or a guy appearing outside the car. no more of that shit please. had a good enough story though, the denouement was fine with me, even though it was quite absurd. i know, i know, leave the reality hat by the door, but really now, why did "they" leave her and slack off for many years, and then suddenly decide to get people to kill so that they could get back to her? answer: so the movie could have an ending, i guess.

so, yeah, i liked it but not enough to include it in the list of my favorite movies in friendster. my gore fix was satisfied but my fear sponge remains dry.


the good: the gore
the bad: the acting
the ugly: why so serious, amy smart?
the verdict: 6 self-healing mirrors.


glasshole.

locked heart

or 13 things that make my girlfriend better than yours/you/my exes (other than her breath)


there's hundreds, nay, thousands more, i know, but these are the ones i most cant get enough of. im pretty sure ive irritated her for incessantly pointing these out almost every day. writing them down here doesn't mean i'm gonna stop talking about them though. they're worth the redundancy.

1. her voice freezes time when used to sing, sounds delicious when used to speak english and creates new universes when used to moan. first recorded ringtone i've ever had.

2. her affinity for video games is something i've always prayed for in a girl and it makes me feel so good when we talk about leveling up and crying about cgi death.

3. her eyes squint when she smiles, pin me down when she's upset and glimmer when she slowly opens them as she wakes up. makes the nicest minitears.

4. her face has a million beautiful expressions that i'll never get tired of watching, especially the transitions. she does not look like anyone else at all. the mold was shattered upon creation.

5. her laugh could probably stop wars. i don't just hear but absorb it into my skin. i would sell my soul just to listen to over and over again.

6. her body is the masterpiece of a highly-perverted sculptor, is meant for worship and does magic at the slightest movement. it's why the word wow was invented.

7. her mouth kisses with fire, holds hidden pleasures and spews the most loving, praiseful and heart-fattening words i've ever heard. plus her teeth would give dentists boners.

8. her neck is a vampire's dream come true. long and delectable and accompanied by the most amazingly shaped collarbones ever.

9. her wit is able to compete with mine, produces smart, non-girly but very feminine entries, and drives me nuts with laughter. i may have tainted it with too much naughtiness.

10. her skin is a landscape of beauty. every inch demands exploration. i love how responsive it is to my touch.

11. her graphic design skills, though sans professional training, are at par with those that earn the big bucks. they're also proof that she's no computer nincompoop.

12. her love is wild. deep, soft, warm love but most of the time, explosive. i dream of the day that i will present her to the world and tell how honored i am to be at its receiving end.

the top thing that makes my girlfriend better than yours/you/my exes is...


13. her.


i love every single thing about you, tif. i have locked you up in my heart and thrown away the key.

best-smeller

i have an announcement to make, one that i have been wanting to blog/brag about for so long but i keep feeling inadequate to do it justice. so im just gonna type it out the way i see it flashing like humongous bright neon lights inside my brain:

my girlfriend has the best-smelling breath in the world.

yes. and it's not just because she's my girlfriend and i love her immensely. this isn't a case of i've accepted it out of love or have gotten used to it or i have some nose problem. this is the real deal, folks. her breath genuinely smells like, i presume, the garden of eden just before the animals were created to poop on the whole place. i have not encountered such a sweet scent before. it's fucking olfactorygasm, baby. and i'm not even talking about the fake smell of chapstick or the way-too-familiar toothpastey odor. the freshness in her breath is natural, like she was born with it and no amount of food intake or saliva-drying idling of the tongue could ever desecrate.

i mean, face it, eating greatly affects breath. munch on garlic and your mouth will reek of garlic. drink beer and your mouth will stink of beer. and the only way to get rid of that stench is to take a breath-freshening candy or brush them teeth. but then those never work on people who have bad breath ingrained in their dna. and then on the far opposite end of the spectrum there's my orally gifted girlfriend. she brushes in the morning after breakfast, goes through her day, eats lunch and sometimes a snack mid-afternoon, no candy, brushing or mouthwashing in between, and yet when i kiss her, it's like she just chewed on a bunch of roses and then cleaned her teeth using a toothbrush with bristles made from hairs of angels. and goshdarnit, im quite embarrassed to press my lips onto hers sometimes because of it. no, i do not have bad breath, i just simply do not possess the same magical mouth she has and so i've felt like i do not deserve a taste of that heaven. i brush my teeth more often and longer now and take mouthwash like water.

the woman just never ceases to give me reason to worship her. if having foul breath is called halitosis, then my girlfriend has holytosis because the aroma of her breath is divine. perfume oughta be made out of her spit. so, i repeat, this time in rarely used uppercase because yes i am shouting:

MY GIRLFRIEND HAS THE BEST-SMELLING BREATH IN THE WORLD!