bored and dangerous

how am i? just peachy. thanks for not asking.

it's been almost three months since mt. asshole erupted and i hightailed the uno premises to keep my (in)sanity intact. once again, i had donned the derelicte duds of a hapless bum and had lazed around the house, much to the chagrin of my common dwellers. my only friends during the long periods of ennui were the mythbusters and the occasional internet-borne stimuli. having watched every dvd i bought before i kicked the work bucket and with nary a cent to purchase new ones, i turned to torrent technology to help me brush up on the movies i've missed. subsituting popcorn with spicy noodles, i watched son of rambow, teeth, the boondock saints (a new favorite), blade runner, the mutant chronicles and many others (no, that's not a movie. i dont know if there's a movie with such a title. what i meant was...you knew that.) . i re-viewed kevin smith's chasing amy and loved it twice more. also saw the orphanage, which was okay but not scary enough. damn i miss being scared.

the goddess of all things cute and sexy, whom i love with every ounce of blood that passes through my ventricles, was instrumental in jolting me out of my drear but her appearances were confined to my waking and sleeping hours. sometimes i'd be lucky to have her undivided attention for a whole day and i'd be secretly pressing my nostrils on the computer monitor, hoping to get a whiff of her beautiful hair's beautiful smell. her laughter is my vitamin.

anyways, i'll be saying au revoir to loserdom soon for i bagged a new job and will be starting on tuesday. office stuff but it pays well so screw "doing what you makes you happy" for now. at least i'd be stretching my lip muscles on salary day. i'm itching to get my phalanges on a psp god of war limited edition, which is not counting chickens before they are hatched but setting a goal to keep me up on whatever i should be up on. i've sworn to do well on this one, take it seriously and not fuck around so that i can save for my future and all that shit.

that's that, bye for now and as darkwing duck used to say, let's get dangerous...

p.s. i created a separate blog for movie reviews and decided to make it a group blog where friends can be regular reviewers. if you've got a predilection for them ole moving pictures and fondly type your thoughts, you should join cinemafia.
p.p.s. i want a baby. now.

never mind

i remember when i transferred to ihmc in san juan during second grade, i had to take an iq test and scored 146. do iq's increase over time? i don't know if this is real but i'm posting it anyways because egoboosters like this come by rarely for me. i still hold dear my 146 score, though. i was effin eight years old, man!

cut me some slack, please. it's a slow day.

short story: four weeks

He was Jak without a C and she was Michele with one L. He was a writer and she was a nurse. That was how they introduced themselves when they first met at a party and they immediately hit it off. After weeks of horror movies and rough sex in his basement bedroom, Jak proposed to Michele by dressing up as a surgeon and pulling out a cheap ring from a patient's open chest. She said yes. They moved into an apartment downtown that was close to the hospital and were very happily married until they realized how different they were. Hence, they fought a lot.

While Michele worked her butt off in the hospital, Jak stayed at home most of the time, collecting rejection slips from publishers. He tried to work at a fast food joint but kept forgetting orders and burning patties so he was fired on day one. He was offered a job at an advertising company but he just didn't want to be an office tool. Michele would come home and they'd fight about everything but they would always patch things up again because Jak would always find a creative way to make it up to her.

One morning, Jak decided to end his life.

They had a big shouting match the previous night and he broke a vase. At breakfast, he hugged Michele and told her: "I love you, love. I am so sorry. Everything will be okay now." She kissed him and left for work without saying a word.

Jak cleaned the apartment. He washed the dishes, picked up his clothes, swept the floor and threw out the trash. He then showered, shaved and put on the tuxedo he wore on their wedding. He even combed his hair. After checking himself in front of the bedroom mirror, Jak pulled out a toolbox from under the bed and took the gun inside it.

He returned to the mirror and sat on the chair he had placed in front of it. In the back of his mind, he hoped that his death would get his stories the attention they deserve. But more importantly, Michele was better off without him. She'd probably hook up with that doctor who kept hitting on her and have a way happier life than he could ever give her.

He smiled at himself and thought: "Now, I'll never get the chance to see her striptease out of her nurse uniform. Oh, well."

He grabbed the gun, placed the barrel in his mouth and closed his eyes.

The doorbell rang.

Jak put the gun away and answered the door. It was Scotty, their obnoxious neighbor.

"Hey, Jak," he said. "Do you have a shovel I can borrow? You see, I'm..."

"No," Jak said and began to close the door.

But Scotty stopped it. "Don't you wanna know why I need a shovel? You see, I have to bury..."

"No," Jak said and pushed the door shut.

"Hey, why are you wearing a tux anyway? You a magician or something? Can you teach me some tricks?"

Jak walked towards the bedroom but suddenly had an idea for a story. As a force of habit, he tore a Post-It from the pad and wrote it down. He was about to stick it on the wall behind his PC but then realized the business at hand and so he just crumpled it up and threw it into bin. In the bedroom, he turned on the stereo and played The Ramones' Blitzkrieg Bop because he thought that was a good song to die to. When he was back on the chair, the gun wasn't on the desk. He had forgotten where he put it. He searched the whole desk and pulled out the drawers but it wasn't there. He checked the bed, the closet, the bathroom and got zilch. He looked for it everywhere and basically messed up the whole house again in the process but he just couldn't find the gun. He gave up and calmed himself down. Whenever he forgot something, the best way to remember it was to stop thinking about it. So, he turned on the TV and sat on the couch.

He felt the gun press on his lower back. He stood up and learned that the gun had been holstered behind him all along.

He turned the TV off, went back to the bedroom, played Blitzkrieg Bop again and put the gun in his mouth.

"Jak!" came Michele's voice followed by the door closing. Jak spun around and slowly placed the gun inside a drawer.

Michele entered the bedroom with her left hand on her tummy and a small white object in between her right thumb and index finger. There was a hole on it that showed a red plus sign.

"We're gonna have a baby!"

Jak simply gulped.

clear?

last week, while walking around the mall to kill time before watching the dark knight, i happened upon an idea for a commercial. so, i download trailers of batman begins, the dark knight and american psycho from youtube and edited it on top of the original commercial's audio using adobe premiere. the result:

the sweetest sin

my bed is an island.

we are but two survivors of crashing lives, of invisible scars and reckless lies, swept to find solace under the sheets. i am happy to be stuck here with you. i will not build a fire so no one will find us to rescue us and pull us apart. our love shall keep us warm. both heads in one pillow, i stare into your eyes and get lost in a prurient trance.

behind your lips lies a world beyond words, i desire to be its ruler. i will wage wars for your skin and make it my kingdom and conquer the haven between your thighs...

and then time stops stopping for us and the twilight arrives. you turn to leave as you've sinned enough for one day. your kiss on my cheek where a tear just passed is the perfect conclusion to this fantasy. alone in my bed, naked and infected, i lie in eternal wait.

my bed is our island. in the middle of a sea where the dreaming ends and reality begins.

THE DARK KNIGHT by jaiskizzy

"slaughter is the best medicine"

the gist: ever since batman began, gotham city's crime rate is on a dwindle with evildoers rainchecking their evildoings at the sight of the bat signal and mobsters holding their prayer meetings during the day. and with the people's paladin, harvey dent, on his side, future-commissioner gordon can't help but wear a happy smile under his 'stache. as the batman disposes of his posers (instead of posting bulletins on friendster), some nutjob who flunked cosmetic school and chose a career in carnage intrudes and offers his insights for a better gotham. for a guy named joker, he ain't funny at all.

i've always thought that tim burton's vision of batman was ok. eventhough it looked like batman might start singing and pirouetting any moment, the first two films were dark and gothic and i liked it. then came joel schumacher who gayified the franchise by adding colors like pink, corny oneliners and bat nipples (but not on batgirl). for that, he will never be forgiven. so, thank holy heavens for christopher nolan for putting the man back in batman and bringing him into the real world. great director. memento remains one of my favorite films ever. this dude is like a hollywood jesus who took the diseased caped crusader and cured him. batman begins was just a taste of what he could do with the material. with the origin story done with, he could take the bat wherever he wanted and he took the dark knight to masterpiece territory. his directorial decisions were perfect, turning the movie into more of a noir crime film than a flashy superhero movie, with great characters, pacing, action, tension, drama, dialogue, all in one two-hour short presentation. and there's no dragging, tearjerker funeral for the death of a major character. i like that. forget not, of course, his bro, jonathan, a huge part of the genius of nolan's movies for his amazing screenwriting powers. darn these nolans.

i'll strike the below-zero first because there's only one and it goes by the name of maggie gyllenhaal. she's a fine actress, yes, liked her in secretary, but she just failed to be rachel dawes, a character invented for the franchise to replace vicki vale. she just destroyed any possibility of ms. dawes being added into the batman comic canon. she's not ugly, but compared to mrs. cruise, she is. it's an olive oyl syndrome. watching her be torn between bruce wayne and harvey dent was like watching popeye and bluto fight over that ugly bitch. you just don't get why. maybe she gives good head? i dont know. but anyways...

christian bale is an amazing bruce wayne. he's a good batman, but i've always believed michael keaton played the dichotomy better. bale's lips looked weird when he spake as batman. dont know if it's supposed to be an effect of the voice enhancer but it seemed like had too much love for lip readers. the costume looks fine btw. finally solved that head-turning issue. anyways, who the heck is aaron eckhart? give this guy a medal. what a great harvey dent he was, especially when he became two-face. give another medal to the guy who made two-face's gross half like that. that shit is nasty. i had flashbacks of skinned goats hanging in the kitchen during fiesta in my grandparents' house. awesome. the perfect casting of gary oldman as jim gordon is proven even more in this sequel, as he isnt a minor character anymore. do you know the name of the fat dude in the other batman movies? no? me neither. anyways, there's this scene where batman, gordon and dent are forging an alliance on the bat signal rooftop which is lifted directly from the long halloween and that was just amazing.

now, the late heath ledger as joker... first, great that the joker doesnt have an origin. in the comics, the joker is so insane that he himself can't tell which past in his mind is real (he prefers multiple choice, the killing joke). that concept was realized nicely in the movie, with joker telling different stories on how he got his ichi-the-killer inspired scars. anyways, back to heath. just about every superlative and hyperbole has been used on his performance and it deserves every one of them. unlike batman who gets to be bruce wayne/christian bale, he was in joker makeup almost the whole time because he was not heath ledger anymore. he was just the joker. every flick of his tongue and roll of his eye, every fidget and every word he says, topnotch. i still hold firm that mark hamill did the definitive joker voice but heath ledger is joker in the flesh. that is one hard portrayal to match, let alone beat, if they ever decide to make a part three and bring the clown prince of crime back. if they do, i nominate either javier bardem or joseph gordon-levitt (just because he looks like heath). put harley quinn in and i'll buy a ticket right now.

no surprise that the dark knight is kicking ass outside of the movie world, breaking box office records like bones. the film is so great it has been lined up with the classics heat and the godfather 2. i couldn't agree more. the dark knight blew me away more than all of my exgfs did.


the good: the whole movie except...
the bad: maggie gyllenhaal.
the ugly: ditto.
the verdict: 10 disappearing pencils.


the dork knight.
(or the choker. this review is for my harley quinn.)

cloud mine

this is my blog's word cloud:um...that's it. thanks, wordle.